Author Archives: muffybolding

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

ernie

#howonearthdidernestborgninegetintomybathroommirror #yeahchuckleitupallyouperky22yearoldmotherfuckersthiswallisexactlywhereyoureheaded

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nc

Surprising though it may seem — being that I am from Fresno, and all — I don’t yet have a single tattoo inked upon this smooth, svelte, gazelle-like body…but if my fatass WERE to go under the gun…this marvelous, meaningful … Continue reading

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hh by an n

There is absolutely NOTHING, Mein Poppets, like A Day At The Races — unless, of course, you’re talkin’ A Night At The Opera. Speaking of which, I just shot a two year old gelding in my Granny Panties…and how he got … Continue reading

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A

Miss Bristol Palin — eldest daughter of ex-vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, Conservative Christian Republican, former national spokeswoman for sexual abstinence outside the sanctity of marriage, lovely young woman, and fierce teenage mother — recently announced that she is unexpectedly pregnant … Continue reading

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truth

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love

When, oh, when will the intolerant, racist, sexist, homophobic, hateful, judgmental, hypocritical, pasty-faced, doomed, DAMNED denizens of Mordor ever learn? Inclusion, Acceptance, Peace, Celebration, Fellowship, Fabulousness, Ferocity, and TRUE LOVE will always prevail. Always. Now, Mein Glittering SCOTUSI: WERQ!

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miss sandy

Everybody thinks their Mother is the most beautiful Mother in the world. But, you see…here’s the thing: MY MOTHER REALLY IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOTHER IN THE WORLD. C’mon, now. Look at these photos. Countless BEWITCHED men have UNFURLED THEMSELVES … Continue reading

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stfu

I gotta tell you, Mein Poppets…I am just about done with EVERYBODY being offended ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING, ALL THE FUCKING TIME. DONE. FIN. ADIOS, MOTHERFUCKER. I have a post on deck that I’ve been working on for awhile addressing … Continue reading

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werner

“I moved to Los Angeles because my wife and I decided we had to live in the city with the most substance in the United States. And I do not regret it for a second. Don’t be misled by the … Continue reading

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word to your motherfucker

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