Author Archives: muffybolding

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

miss sandy

Everybody thinks their Mother is the most beautiful Mother in the world. But, you see…here’s the thing: MY MOTHER REALLY IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOTHER IN THE WORLD. C’mon, now. Look at these photos. Countless BEWITCHED men have UNFURLED THEMSELVES … Continue reading

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stfu

I gotta tell you, Mein Poppets…I am just about done with EVERYBODY being offended ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING, ALL THE FUCKING TIME. DONE. FIN. ADIOS, MOTHERFUCKER. I have a post on deck that I’ve been working on for awhile addressing … Continue reading

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werner

“I moved to Los Angeles because my wife and I decided we had to live in the city with the most substance in the United States. And I do not regret it for a second. Don’t be misled by the … Continue reading

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word to your motherfucker

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feces week

I am felled mightily by some sort of a stomach bug. Without going into too much graphic detail…may I just say that the UNSPEAKABLE INDIGNITY OF BEING A MORTAL CREATURE OF MAUDE EXISTING IN THE MATERIAL WORLD is sometimes ENTIRELY … Continue reading

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nyquilt

From my AWESOME Number Two Gusband — The FIERCE, FABULOUS, ELEGANT Boy From Detroit, Joe Fitrzyk. He is generous, brilliant, and, apparently, PSYCHIC. Thank you, Joey Fitz! I LOVE YOU! From The Archives: http://muffybolding.com/2010/08/24/please-dont-wake-me-no-dont-shake-me-leave-me-where-i-am-im-only-sleeping/

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sons

Non-Negotiable Rule of Feminism #2:  Honey, you can raise all the FIERCE, FEARLESS, FEMINIST girl children in the world…but, if you also unleash a son who is a SEXIST, MISOGYNISTIC, PATRIARCHAL PRICK WITH MEAN MINDLESS MAN MEAT DANGLIN’ BETWIXT his … Continue reading

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brunch bitches

DELIGHTFULLY DELICIOUS Drag Queen Bingo with my FAVORITE BRUNCH BIATCH, Miss Jackie Beat! ‪#‎therearemanygusbandsintheworldbutthisoneismine‬

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brunch love

Attending Sunday Drag Queen Bingo Brunch in Burbank in order to eat stacks of pancakes, fistfuls of bacon, and see MY TWO TRUE LOVE — Miss Jackie Beat! — with MY ONE TRUE LOVE — Gregory! ‪#‎cutejewboy‬ ‪#‎fingeredunderthetable‬ ‪#‎luckyslut‬  

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hot

When I am at Starbucks placing the order for my usual — a large soy latte — when the barista inevitably asks me, “Would you like that iced or hot, Miss?”, I ALWAYS look them straight in the eye and … Continue reading

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