Author Archives: muffybolding

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

done

I gotta tell you, Mein Poppets…I am just about done with EVERYBODY being offended ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING, ALL THE FUCKING TIME. DONE. FIN. ADIOS, MOTHERFUCKER.I have a post on deck that I’ve been working on for a couple of … Continue reading

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TRUTH

Inane Muff Fact #626: As definitive testament to my treacherous upbringing and scandalous past, when I am out and about sashaying the town and someone recognizes me and asks, “Excuse me? Are you Muffy Bolding?”, my very first impulse, every … Continue reading

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THIS

I am currently in the midst of answering some really great interview questions, one of which is asking what really makes a trashy Old Hooker like myself STAGGER THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE, STOPPING OCCASIONALLY TO LEAN MY FATASS ON SOME WALL … Continue reading

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truth

Honey, let me tell you something…you can have all the fucking talent in the world and all the gottdamned ambition — but without INSPIRATION…you got NOTHING.

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ramis

I was delighted to find that the last paragraph of this Harold Ramis quote is one of my very own personal mantras. It is how I live my life EVERY FUCKING MINUTE OF EVERY FUCKING DAY: And lastly, my very … Continue reading

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RIP harold ramis

My heart is so broken right now. I loved his work and I loved him. He was such an inspiration to me — his dignity, his decency, his humility, his humanity, his intelligence, and his endless, boundless enthusiasm. He was … Continue reading

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fortune smiles on the tubby

In ALL of my half century on this everlovin’ planet…in ALL the delicious Chinese food meals my fatass has consumed — and trust me, that’s A LOT — I have never once gotten two fortune cookies in one bag. My … Continue reading

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revolution

I wrote this piece a couple of days ago: I am now hearing reports that the Ukrainian government is poised to shut down the Internet, phone and cell service, as well as broadcast television access, and is ready to put … Continue reading

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tubby and drubbed

A mighty languorous, relaxed Old Hooker after a MAGNIFICENT Thai massage from her favorite girl, the ADORABLE, DARLING, DELIGHTFULLY BRUTAL, Pancake, at The Delight Day Spa. Thanks for the HEALING BEATING and the LOVING DRUBBING! I love you, Miss Pancake! … Continue reading

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TRUTH

Between the common citizens risking their very lives by courageously protesting in the streets of The Ukraine, Venezuela, Syria, and elsewhere…all towards the goal of freedom, dignity, decency, human rights, and self-determination…THE WORLD? SHE IS RAGING. And, meanwhile, back in … Continue reading

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