Author Archives: muffybolding

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

broads

Honestly. How LUCKY can one Old Hooker be? A DELIGHTFUL lunch last week at The Grand Central Market in Downtown LA with My Girls — who are comprised of not only BRILLIANT New York Times bestselling author, artist, and SERIOUS … Continue reading

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defeat

“All my life, I’ve been fearful of defeat. But, now that it has come, it’s not near as terrible as I’d expected. The sun still shines, water still tastes good…glory is all well and good, but life is enough, nay?” … Continue reading

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check

Recently, Louisiana Governor, FERVENT, VOCAL, RABID, Anti-Choice Advocate, and Republican Presidential Candidate Hopeful, Piyush “Bobby” Jindal, who was BORN here in the United States after his parents moved here while his mother was pregnant — meaning, of course, that he … Continue reading

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oh, yes

‪#‎mamalove‬ ‪#‎mamatruth‬ ‪#‎woodenspoon‬ ‪#‎showwood‬ ‪#‎theenforcer‬ ‪#‎bonzobonhamonyourbottom‬ ‪#‎idontgiveafuckifyoureallgrownupmamawillstillkicksomebabyass‬ ‪#‎notreallybutamamacandreamcanti‬

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packer

Inane Muff Fact #827:  I am an EBULLIENT ADVENTURER, PATHOLOGICAL PACKER and RABID ACOLYTE of The Rick Steves Method…and can effortlessly pack for three days OR three months in my BELOVED garnet carry-on suitcase…because Mama don’t check bags. EVER: Three … Continue reading

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fuck numbers

YOU GODDAMNED STRAIGHT.

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the first lady of FIERCE

HA! Even HATEFUL, CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN REPUBLICAN BROADS will exalt her hallowed name in JUBILANT COMMUNION over THIS quote, Baby: “He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve … Continue reading

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JAWS

Our next big Framily Film Fieldtrip Summer Extravaganza: Wolfing popcorn and watching “JAWS” on the big screen at midnight…whilst floating together in innertubes…on a pond…with our feet dangling down into the DARK WATER. OH, YEAH. LET’S DO THIS THING, BITCHES! … Continue reading

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baby bird

HOLY SHIT my punani kicks out some BEAUTIFUL BABIES. #iloveyoubettysue #fiercebabybird #fiercebabygirl #girlpower #wasbornaspicegirlwilldieaspicegirl #messwithheratyourownperilthoughihavenoideahowyoulleatyour4thofjulycornonthecobwithNOFUCKINTEETH

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ernie

#howonearthdidernestborgninegetintomybathroommirror #yeahchuckleitupallyouperky22yearoldmotherfuckersthiswallisexactlywhereyoureheaded

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