Author Archives: muffybolding

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

RAGE

Let me say, as I verily quiver with righteous anger, that I have fucking HAD IT with the cavalier attitude regarding violence against women in this goddamned country. Make no mistake — violence against women is the most commonly perpetrated … Continue reading

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ms. spell

Inane Muff Fact #517: I live in random, exquisite, obsessed, perpetual, inordinate, inexplicable terror of misspelling “misspelling.” In fact, I just double-checked the correct spelling of “misspelling”…and am now going to hit “post” — but not before I check the … Continue reading

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THIS

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i love mimi pond!

“Muffy and Mimi, sittin’ in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” HOLY SHIT, I LOVE Mimi Pond! First it was me and Miss Mimi at a FULL NAKIE Korean Spa in Downtown L.A. along with my brilliant muse, Helena G. Harvilicz – and now our next … Continue reading

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“over easy”!

Which LUCKY Old Hooker has the greatest, sparkliest, most brilliant, most talented gottdamned friends? That’s right, MUTHAFUCKAS:MAMA DO.Here be said Lucky Old Hooker inhaling the latest book from her beloved friend and naked spa comrade — the INIMITABLE writer, artist, … Continue reading

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happy birthday, fly girl

You were here. We remember you. WE WILL ALL FLARE OUR NOSTRILS and BELLY LAUGH TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN SOMEDAY — and, as always, YOUR ridiculous, delightful, contagious belly laugh will still be the best one of us all. Love you, … Continue reading

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bring the spice!

I am just sitting here thinking about the delightful time Gregory and I went to a parents night thingie at our teenage daughter, Anne’s, AWESOME high school Youth and Government program (with which she is STILL involved, by the way, … Continue reading

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done

I gotta tell you, Mein Poppets…I am just about done with EVERYBODY being offended ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING, ALL THE FUCKING TIME. DONE. FIN. ADIOS, MOTHERFUCKER.I have a post on deck that I’ve been working on for a couple of … Continue reading

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TRUTH

Inane Muff Fact #626: As definitive testament to my treacherous upbringing and scandalous past, when I am out and about sashaying the town and someone recognizes me and asks, “Excuse me? Are you Muffy Bolding?”, my very first impulse, every … Continue reading

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THIS

I am currently in the midst of answering some really great interview questions, one of which is asking what really makes a trashy Old Hooker like myself STAGGER THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE, STOPPING OCCASIONALLY TO LEAN MY FATASS ON SOME WALL … Continue reading

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