Author Archives: muffybolding

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

father

“Father of mine Tell me how do you sleep With the children you abandoned And the wife I saw you beat I will never be safe I will never be sane I will always be weird inside I will always … Continue reading

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nicky

“I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance, tomorrow morning I’ll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and… walk in and see … Continue reading

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baby

Who’s got the FIERCEST, FUNNIEST, most FABULOUS baby in the whole gottdamned world? MAMA DO. ‪#‎itwasthisbabythatmademeamama‬ ‪#‎myfirstdollwasnamedbetsywetsymyfirstREALDOLLwasnamedbetsy‬ ‪#‎herheartshineslikeherhair‬ ‪#‎sheisthesun‬ ‪#‎whatagirl‬ ‪#‎proudmama‬ ‪#‎iloveherwithallthatiam‬ ‪#‎sweetbettysue‬ ‪#‎WERQ‬

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goilpower

Knitter PLEASE. We broads are SO DUE. LET’S DO THIS THING, BIOTECHS. ‪#‎girlstothefront‬ ‪#‎ovariesintheovaloffice2016‬

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truth

NO FEAR, MUTHAFUCKAS.

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mol

“Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of … Continue reading

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truth

You goddamned right. You do NOT trifle with Women of a Certain Age because, Honey, we’ve SEEN IT ALL, DONE IT ALL, TURNT IT ALL, and BURNT IT ALL…and we FLAT JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK. Every morning, Old Broads … Continue reading

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truth

If I have ONE mantra by which I live and write and move through this world…it is this: It is never TOO SOON and it is never TOO MUCH. NEVER.

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rbg

THIS: “I’m sometimes asked when will there be enough [women on the supreme court]. And I say, ‘When there are nine.’ People are shocked. But there’d been nine men, and nobody’s ever raised a question about that.” — The ULTIMATE … Continue reading

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butch

Ol’ Dr. Laura just posted a picture of her BUTCH new muscle car, a 2012 Dodge Challenger. Mother of God…HOW MUCH PUSSY CAN ONE WOMAN EAT?

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