muffy bolding

I am a slut.

In fact, I come from a long line of sluts — USO dance hostesses, carnival gypsies, gangster’s molls, and straight-up trollops — broads who would cut your throat just as soon as look at your fucking face. With each beat, my heart pumps their scoundrelous, scandalous blood through my veins every moment of every day of my life, fueling my every thought, desire, and action, and in so many ways defining who and what I am. I move through this world like a man — and I don’t waste time apologizing for it. I take what I want…because it’s all mine. Women like us live life on our own terms, and we can’t be bothered with the petty minutiae of those who would dare attempt to subdue us. We are the Boudicas and the Betty Rizzos of the world, forged in the fierce, felonious fires of discord and want. Tell us we can’t do something, have something, be something…and you got a war on your hands, brother. You cross broads like me and my ancestors and my sisters and my friends at your own peril.

DON’T FUCK WITH US, BITCHES.

WE VOTE.

“I have known Joan Crawford for more than 35 years. I still don’t know her at all. She is the only star I know who manufactured herself. She drew up a blueprint for herself and outlined a beautiful package of skin, bones, and character and then set about to put life into the outline. She succeeded, and so Joan Crawford came into existence at the same time an overweight Charleston dancer, born Lucile LeSueur, disappeared from the world. It took me a long time to realize this. I believed, for some time, that Lucille existed under the skin. She does not.” – Louella Parsons on Miss Joan Crawford

“A writer’s job is to get naked, to hide nothing, to look away from nothing, to look at it. To not blink, to not be embarrassed by it or ashamed of it. Strip it down and let’s get to where the blood is, where the bone is.” – Harry Crews

“You oughta be terrified of growing old! It’s a motherfucker. What you’ve got to do is to just have no respect for it whatsoever. Cuss it a lot and kick and raise hell. Spit and scratch your ass and do all the things you can do when you’re an old guy. And don’t suck up and suck around when you’re an old guy. Fuck it. So you’re old, so what else is new?” –- The BADASS OF ALL BADASS Southern writers, Harry Crews, on aging.

Requiescat in pace, Harry. Now that you have undoubtedly bum-rushed the Gates of Hell and taken over…I would gladly skip-kick the gottdamned wall plug outta my own mother’s life support machine to know just how Mr. Death actually DOES like his Blue-Eyed Boy.

Sleep well, Harry. Mr. Death can SUCK IT.

Mother of god. So, once again, crawling out of the “highly offended” woodwork come all the stereotypical holier-than-though bastards, braying like some judgmental Greek Chorus that getting your six month old half-Nicaraguan daughter’s ears pierced at her Miami pediatrician’s office is a) “sexualizing” her, b) low-rent, i.e., not something that decent, middle or upper-middle class (read: WHITE) people do, and/or c) actually akin to genital mutilation.

Everyone just needs to calm down and SHUT THE FUCK UP. My complete piece-of-ass Filipina/Metseecan mother sat my narrow, two year old ass in my high chair, handed me a Cherry popsicle, and pierced my toddler ears with a piece of ice, some rubbing alcohol, and a gottdamned needle and thread — and look at me. Aside from being a fierce, foul-mouthed whore who wakes up with chunks of Asshole Anti-Woman Fundamentalist Christian Republicans in my stool, I TURNED OUT JUST FUCKING FINE.

“Tip the world over on its side and…everything loose will land in Los Angeles.” — Frank Lloyd Wright

I love this fucking city so much — and all the brilliant misfits and miscreants who dwell within her sparkly walls.

Los Angeles, 1960.

My most favorite thing that anybody has ever said to me? I was at a party — flitting about, makin’ nice, talkin’ shit, belly laughing — and about an hour into the shin-dig, a delightful young woman whom I did not know came up to me, took my hand, smiled hugely, and said, “I immediately noticed you when you walked in — and I just had to come over and introduce myself and touch you to make sure that you are real…because WATCHING YOU IS LIKE WATCHING AN ANIMATED CHARACTER MOVE THROUGH A LIVE-ACTION WORLD.”