Three things that scare me:
1: a june bug flying into my hair
2: harm coming to one of my little trio of darling larvae
3: the current and very real threat to women’s reproductive rights

Three people who make me laugh:
1: my best friend, billy
2: my sister, jenny
3: my friend, leslie jordan http://www.fametracker.com/hey_its_that_guy/jordan_leslie.shtml

Three Things I love:
1: the smell of my son’s head (smells like a buddhist temple)
2: reading the life stories of celebrated people (in either distinguished biographies OR the national enquirer — either one will do)
3: “the monkey face”

Three Things I hate:
1: going to bed; sleeping
2: when people refer to montgomery wards and las vegas…as “monkey wards” and “lost wages”
3: my now non-perky titties

Three things I don’t understand:
1: income tax
2: insurance
3: how a bowl of standard pancake batter — left on the counter for about an hour — can smell so much like load

Three things on my desk:
1: a cute picture of my sweet piglet, gregory, wearing my yale sweatshirt…that i received in 1997 — in gratitude for having had phone sex with a high-ranking yale alumnus
2: biographies of eugene o’neill, george bernard shaw, truman capote, and alec woollcott
3: a roughdraft treatment for a screenplay on which i am currently working

Three things I’m doing right now:
1: ovulating
2: typing ever-so-quietly so as not to wake the wicked ‘sleep nazi’ slumbering not five feet away from me
3: listening to the foamy ocean mambo in the moonlight…two blocks behind my house

Three things I want to do before I die:
1: get rid of the 99.5 — 104 degree temp i have been running…for the past TWENTY MOTHERFUCKING MONTHS
2: savagely scour the bins and amvets with ms. bee lavender by my side
3: something for which i am tragically and regrettably already five years too late: to meet, fuck, and collaborate with the brilliant poet and writer, ted hughes

Three things I can do:
1: pee standing up
2: innately sense when two people in a room have had secret sex that no one else knows about, or would even believe
3: obsessively watch, without break, an entire 48 hour “behind the music” marathon on vh-1 (i do, however, always take one hour to bathe and defecate — usually during the “poison” or “lenny kravitz” episodes. a social statement? perhaps)

Three ways to describe my personality:
1: fuzzy and chinchilla-like (my husband’s description)
2: wry
3: curious

Three things I can’t do:
1: fill out applications or paperwork of any kind
2: keep my lips and nose off of my children’s faces and hair
3: take a dump in a public restroom…or worse, take a dump without the sublime hygienic advantage of baby wipes