Author Archives: muffybolding

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

g-l-o-r-i-a

“A woman who writes has power and a woman with power is feared.” — Gloria Anzaldua, Chicana writer, scholar, and feminist, 1942 – 2004

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friends

Inane Muff Fact #722: I’ve always found the most effective way to deal with adversaries is to make them my friends. As a ruthless, lifelong forger of alliances, there is something endlessly satisfying about it to me. The drawing close … Continue reading

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i love her

“I’m not funny. What I am is brave.” – Lucille Ball

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fml

Well, here we are. Just like last year on the first day of motherfucking Summer. Just like EVERY YEAR on the first day of motherfucking Summer. That’s right, Mein Poppets. It’s time once again for Muffy’s Annual Hot Weather Whine! … Continue reading

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truth

“Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of … Continue reading

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kevyn

“Life is too short to spend hoping that the perfectly arched eyebrow or hottest new lip shade will mask an ugly heart.” — Kevyn Aucoin

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truth

“The telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.” — Kurt Vonnegut

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miss carrie

SO COMPLETELY WHERE I’M HEADED. ‪#‎allhailcarriedonovan‬ ‪#‎itsallaboutthoseglasses‬ ‪#‎thisishowoldbroadsroll‬‪#‎youmaynotwannafuckmeanymorebutgoddamnityouaregonnarememberme‬

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la

Yeah, Baby. It’s ALL about velocity, ferocity, and reciprocity. LET’S DO THIS THING. ‪#‎losanjealousmuch‬ ‪#‎shopbando‬ ‪#‎allgirlstothefront‬

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try me, chief

Delightful Muff Fact #8686: Every single time I have the EXTREME pleasure of BLOCKING INTO THE GOTTDAMNED CORNFIELD some fucking illiterate, dangerously imbalanced, inbred, negative asshole, miniscule-dicked, CAN’T FUCK, RightWing DoucheLord…MY DICK GETS HARD. Do NOT…FUSS…WITH ME, SON.  

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