Author Archives: muffybolding

Remember when I told you that I ordered one of those spit-in-the-tube DNA tests — and, at that time, predicted that I would, WITH ABSOLUTE MATHEMATICAL CERTAINTY, break their goddamned DNA machine because my pipples like to fuck…ALOT…of different pipples…ALOT? … Continue reading →

“A woman who writes has power and a woman with power is feared.” — Gloria Anzaldua, Chicana writer, scholar, and feminist, 1942 – 2004

Inane Muff Fact #722: I’ve always found the most effective way to deal with adversaries is to make them my friends. As a ruthless, lifelong forger of alliances, there is something endlessly satisfying about it to me. The drawing close … Continue reading →

“I’m not funny. What I am is brave.” – Lucille Ball

Well, here we are. Just like last year on the first day of motherfucking Summer. Just like EVERY YEAR on the first day of motherfucking Summer. That’s right, Mein Poppets. It’s time once again for Muffy’s Annual Hot Weather Whine! … Continue reading →

“Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of … Continue reading →

“Life is too short to spend hoping that the perfectly arched eyebrow or hottest new lip shade will mask an ugly heart.” — Kevyn Aucoin

“The telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.” — Kurt Vonnegut

SO COMPLETELY WHERE I’M HEADED. ‪#‎allhailcarriedonovan‬ ‪#‎itsallaboutthoseglasses‬ ‪#‎thisishowoldbroadsroll‬‪#‎youmaynotwannafuckmeanymorebutgoddamnityouaregonnarememberme‬

Yeah, Baby. It’s ALL about velocity, ferocity, and reciprocity. LET’S DO THIS THING. ‪#‎losanjealousmuch‬ ‪#‎shopbando‬ ‪#‎allgirlstothefront‬