fantasia de occupado

Inspired by the darling who states:

My fantasy job has always been to be the person sitting in a room somewhere making up all the names for lipsticks and eyeshadows and nail polish.

I ask you…how brilliant and extraordinary is THAT for a fantasy job?

Though not nearly as FAB as seide’s, I have two:

1) I have just always wanted to be a Librarian. Since early childhood, I have been obsessed with their marvelously cloistered asses, and all that they do. A few years ago, I even wrote a poem (that was published in a frighteningly respectable lit journal, come to think of it) exploiting and turning on its head the “mythology” of the Librarian (or MY idea of the mythology of the Librarian, rather…) *eyebat*

and secondly…

2) Lemme tell you, I would shamelessly kick the plug outta the wall on my own mother’s life support system if I could be one of those cute, liederhosen hostesses on the Storybook Boats ride at Disneyland. You know…the ones who give you a canal tour of that enchanting little land of miniature buildings — and who ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS sound like they are holding their noses whilst doing so? (methinks Uncle Waltie either needs to spring for a new sound system on those fucking boats…or start hiring dames whose septums are not completely destroyed from too much goddamned baggy.)

But baggied-out, leiderhosen-wearing broads, and fucked-up sound systems or not — I adore that ride. It is my spiritual and cultural mecca. I would SO rule at that job.

What is YOUR fantasy job?

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

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