meme fever: catch it!

3 things which scare me: harm coming to one of my chilluns or sweet husband; the black gelatinous horror that is BushCo; not fully appreciating the exquisite nature of every single fucking moment of my life.

3 things which I don’t understand: the whole Celine Dion thing; how Whitney Houston — in a FULL ON baggied-out crack-burned voice — can seriously have told Diane Sawyer that her incoherent ass isn’t currently on the pipe; anal sex.

3 things I’d like to learn: to direct a film; “Prufrock” by heart; the FULL, REAL, and UNCUT STORY of MM and JC.

3 things I am wearing right now: creamy delish Victoria’s Secret panties; grey leggings; ancient hunter green GAP thermal (my husband’s).

3 things on my desk: “A Beautiful Final Tribute” (Volumne 7) by Bee Lavender; “Oscar Wilde” by Richard Ellmann; and “Some Sort of Epic Grandeur: The Life of F. Scott Fitzgerald” by Matthew J. Bruccoli.

3 things I want to do before I die: to smell the heads of my grandbabies; to finally fucking get through “Ulysses”; to lie fully prostrate and weeping on the grave of Ted Hughes in the wild English moors.

3 good things about my personality: I belly laugh like a jackal — and frequently; my ability to be “present” at all times; my profound appreciation for the odd, the misunderstood, and the disenfranchised.

3 bad things about my personality: my pathological ability to walk away from someone or something and never ever look back; my extreme capacity for denial; my limitless dilettantism for all things interesting.

3 parts of my heritage: Sicilian, English, Filipino.

3 things I like about my body: my hair; my eyes; my non-existent nubbin-like “Why the fuck did god even bother?” little toes.

3 things I don’t like about my body: my mammoth ta-ta’s; my parched heels; my much-too-feminine hands.

3 things most people don’t know about me: I have never slept with a woman; I absolutely adore “The Three Stooges”; and that despite my bawdy, lecherous, and quite public posturings to the contrary — I am OVER THE MOON in sickening syrupy love with my pretty Willie Wonka-like husband, Gregory.

3 things I say the most: “That’s strictly horseshit.”; “Fuck off, lady.”; and “How fucking NO-talent is THAT?”

3 places I want to go: Ireland, Scotland, and back to my beloved Languedoc with my Beloved.

3 screen names I use or have used: MrsDorothyParker, BellyTenant, NoonBlueApples.

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

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