i’m only sleeping

All political partisanship aside…

how motherfucking near-death exhausted must both Bush and Kerry be right about now?

I cannot even imagine it — and I have a husband, three babies, a career, and a household to manage and maintain, as well as two chronic health conditions with which to contend.

My joints throb and my brain fogs over just thinking about it. I am glad to be just a filthy, humble writer. Most days I don’t even have to bathe or get dressed if I don’t want to. I could never hack it as a statesman…though my husband informed me tonight that I am Bono — and interestingly enough, he is not the first person to tell me that.

The strange part is…that sometimes I actually feel like Bono.

I’ll make you a deal. If I suddenly get a hankerin’ to cut my hair into a sublime Irish mullet and climb to the top of the speakers whilst waving a white flag and bellowing, “No! More! War!” — I am begging one of youse to put a hollowpoint bullet right between my Guinness-bloated eyes.

Fat, drunk, and suffering from one of the most exquisite Messiah complexes in recent history is no way to go through life, young man. Trust me on this one.

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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