i don’t write ’em…i just report ’em

I never liked this hooker anyway. I’m totally “Team Linda.”

From Dlisted:

Paul McCartney issued this statement about his separation to Heather Mills:

““It’’s been suggested that she married me for the money and there is not an ounce of truth in this.”

Whether or not that statement is true…Heather could walk away with a quarter of Paul’s £825 Million fortune. That means she could stand to make about $400 Million US.

When they were married back in 2002, no pre-nup was signed. That idiot!

I won’t make anymore jokes about her fake leg, I promise! However, here’s a joke that I did NOT come up with:

Harry was going about his goldmining job when there was a terrible accident and the mine caved in. He came round in hospital to find he’d had his leg cut off to get him free from the ruins.

Harry was distraught. “I’ll never work again he said!”

“No” reassured his pal Ernie. “You’ll get work”

“But who would want a one-legged golddigger?” he asked

“Paul McCartney!”

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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