Well, as many of you already know, when I am driving around — alone in my car — I frequently speak aloud to the grandbabies I shall someday hopefully have…and I do so only in a Scottish brogue. There is absolutely no reason nor precedent for this…it’s just something I’ve always done. Furthermore, when my grandbabies do someday arrive, I also fully intend to speak to them exclusively in said Scottish brogue. “Come and give grrrrranny a kiss, me wee bairn!”

On another note, for the duration of her entire life, I have rarely spoken to my 15 year old daughter (except for perhaps a handful of times whilst kickin’ ass and takin’ names) in anything except this odd, Eastern European accent that is not really specific to any country or region but sounds to be maybe Romanian or perhaps even Albanian. Again, no reason nor precedent. So, as if that’s not enough, there is the accent, yes, but it is also combined with this odd, somewhat backwards syntax — which is something akin to “Yoda Speak”, i.e. (imagine this in a Romanian accent) “So beautiful you are. So lovely you are. So tender and delicate and savory you are. Such a succulent baby goat you be. To gnaw on your cute baby buttcheeks I would love to.”

I only speak this way to her and not to her brother or sister. I have done so since before she was born — when she was still a bean in my belly. I have no idea why I do this and am not even aware anymore that I am doing it until someone points it out…or mentions that they do something along the same lines themselves — which is, as you can imagine, quite rarely.

By the way — that is the first and only time I have ever acknowledged this publicly.