If you were offered the opportunity to travel to the city of Jerusalem for a week or two — with all expenses to be paid by a fairly prestigious film company that was courting you — would you go? If not, why not?
Two very important factors to consider:
1.) You are a complete European History fanatic. You are obsessed with the Crusades. You are obsessed with The Templars. You study 12th century battlefield strategy and siege tactics for fun and amusement. You have intense sexual fantasies about having a threesome with Pope Urban II and Peter the Hermit, with Godfrey of Bouillon running the camera and choreographing the money shot. Remember, you would be magically transported directly into the motherfucking heart of Walt Disney’s Crusaderland.
2.) You have a darling husband and three adorable babies who love you and need you and would rather you not be blown into a billion tiny pieces as the result of a suicide bomber stopping into the Temple Mount Sbarro Pizza for a piping hot slice of pepperoni and infidel.
Talk amongst yourselves and get back to me.
About muffybolding
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
muffy bolding 
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