YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS

You know, I just have to say that I don’t really give a shit if it’s fake or real, or if it’s a UFO, a shrouded demon from Hell, or a trickster Mexican national in a top-secret military jetpack and a Samantha Stephens chapeau tilted at a jaunty angle. Listen to me: I do not give a shit. This is the scariest fucking thing I have ever seen in my entire life. My two teenaged daughters watched it yesterday afternoon and are currently traumatized beyond reason. We have wisely and collectively agreed that my highly sensitive 13 year old son (AKA: The Tweek) will not be allowed to see it being that he would quite literally have to be sedated and hospitalized if he did (it must be noted that this is the same child who, for a year after 9.11, during daylight hours followed me around from room to room, dragging a huge bin of Legos behind him. We shan’t even discuss the modus operandi of the nights.)

I am horrified and yet completely obsessed; that pointy witch hat or whatever the fuck it has on its head is killing me. And for the love of god, when it seemingly touches down, lumbers and scuttles a few paces, and then tucks its legs back under itself before floating on…well, the hair on my arms stands straight up and the air is pretty much sucked out of my fucking body. I cannot stop watching this.

Welcome to THE HORROR OF ALL HORRORS, my friends:

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

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