Reason #17 that it really won’t be so bad having all my girlie bits removed: My impossibly adorable grandbaby, Coco Chanel, a Netherland Dwarf bunny, is having her girlie bits removed this month, too, all so her granny won’t feel so alone in her hysterical hysterectomosis. (Oh, alright, and because she has recently turned into a sullen, shrewish, PMSing teenage biatch, as well, but of that, we shall speak no more.) Look at that fuzzy gottdamned cottontail! And those plucky rabbit foots! Isn’t she just the livin’ end? I could die a million deaths just gazing at that face!
She’s a baby and that makes her a real-live, official, licensed, ordained, state-appointed, federally-accredited, card-carrying baby! <—(said in silly, ridiculous, high-pitched, sing-song, wanna-be granny voice normally reserved for the arrival of one's first human grandchild.)
Oh, and god help us all when, a decade or two from now, that day truly arrives. Trust me, that day will be epic — even in hell.
Fashionable ear-ponytail and bow provided by The House of Baby Goat:
About muffybolding
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
muffy bolding 