So, while Gregory and I were off gallivanting around Boston and sashaying up The Cape, I had sort of an amazing thing happen career-wise — and even though I was unable to take advantage of the opportunity this time, as there were very precarious and pressing time issues involved and I had just stepped off a plane 3000 miles away from home when I received word, it still represents a huge leap for me…one that, because I pulled it outta my fancy ass once, I am most assured can and will happen again. Life and destiny are awfully surprising and extraordinary things.

I. Me. Muffaletta Von Schtupp…got called in for the lead in a series pilot for a major network.

There. I’ve spoken it aloud.

It came down to me and one other broad — and I shall say here and now that I hope whomever she is, she fully realizes it was her lucky fucking day, because had I been here, I would’ve OWNED that part, baby. There would’ve been no stopping me — just as there will be no stopping me the next time Fortune knocks on my door with a wry smile on her face, flowers in her hair, her titties hanging out the top of her toga, and her arms wide open to me. It will be my turn…and I shall accept with great grace, gladness, and gratitude — and remember that alongside whatever modicum of success I attain in my life, it will always be with an ardent and passionate eye to honoring and raising all women through my work.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, in my little corner of insanity — Fortune looks and acts just like Carol Kane.

So, Unnamed Actress, whoever you are, I genuinely wish you nothing but success and fulfillment in your new job and may many blessings rain down upon you as a result of your talent, your perseverance, and your hard work. May all your dreams come true — and I’ll see you around at The Emmys, sister.

Onward!