“i think it’s too late for that…”

Just one of the amazing things about living in Los Angeles — aside from sniffing cantaloupes next to Rodney Bingenheimer at the grocery store, having to nicely ask Ashley Olsen if she might please take her Marlboro red elsewhere as her smoke was billowing directly into our window and choking my friend, Billy, and I out of our hotel room at the Chateau Marmont (she apologized sweetly and quickly relocated her skeletal self to across the courtyard), and savagely screaming, “WE LOVE YOU SALLY STRUTHERS!” at ol’ Sally as she came teetering precariously out of Fatburger on six inch platform shoes — is that there are always numerous cameras rolling somewhere in the city at any given moment — and what that means is:

AWESOME EARTHQUAKE FOOTAGE

As I was watching this, I found myself absolutely riveted and unable to take my eyes off that hilarious robot face — and all I kept thinking to myself was that underneath all that cardboard, tinfoil, and duct tape that person was probably thinking to himself:

“Motherfucker. I have spent my whole life being a kind and true and dignified person — and now this building is coming down on top of me and when they dig my fucking body out of the rubble three weeks from now, I AM GOING TO BE WEARING THIS CHEESY GODDAMNED ROBOT SUIT. This is not how I wish to be remembered.”

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

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