inside the fat actor’s studio

This questionnaire was originated by French television personality Bernard Pivot, and made famous by the ever unctuous and orange James Lipton on Inside the Actor’s Studio

1. What is your favorite word?

Butch.

2. What is your least favorite word?

Lice.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Really interesting people. And endless belly laughter. If you’re not interesting and you can’t (or worse, won’t) belly laugh with me, you’re out, motherfucker.

4. What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

People who are ungenerous with their praise. Creative people who are made small and threatened by the talent of other creative people. People who don’t get that there is more than room enough at the table for all those who have the talent, drive, and desire to be there.

5. What sound or noise do you love?

My sweet son’s voice whispering, “Miff?”, as he wakes me up in the morning with a gently laid hand on my arm.

6. What sound or noise do you hate?

Cupboards, drawers, dishes, and pots and pans being slammed and clanged around in passive-aggressive silence. Fuck that and fuck you.

7. What is your favorite curse word?

Motherfucker.

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8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

The kneesock and be-liederhosened hostess on the Storybook Land Canal Boats at Disneyland.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Clean-up crew in Gaza.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Where you been, motherfucker? The fridge is stocked with icy cold Diet Coke, and Paul Newman and Ted Hughes are both shaved down and waiting for you in your room. Get back on it!

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

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