Although it’s not something I am necessarily proud of, for the most part I — along with the entire pack of treacherous, delightful Jackals of which I am a proud founding member — am completely hideous and jaded when it comes to celebrities. An alarmingly large percentage of these so-called stars are completely NO-talent as people. Regarding the ones who are evil, annoying, uninteresting bastards, I would fucking cut their throats just as soon as look at their stretched, petulant, botulized faces. I don’t play any shit. A NO-talent meathook is a NO-talent meathook. I wake up with chunks of celebrity in my fucking stool, baby.

However, every once in a while, I get the opportunity to meet one who stuns and humbles me — and I become a babbling fool, drooling at their feet and worshipping at the altar of their brilliance. Having the chance to work with Danny Trejo on the set of Furnace a few years ago was one such moment — and I didn’t hesitate for a second to tell him so.

His story is one of the most amazing in all of show business; he was born in a really rough section of Los Angeles and was a full-on drug addict and criminal before he hit adolescence. He spent time in prison, where he excelled at boxing. After his release, he became involved in AA and ended up on a movie set to meet a friend who was also affiliated with the program. It was there the director discovered that Trejo was an astonishing boxer and asked him to coach some of the actors on the set for their scenes. He was eventually put into the film himself — and that was just the first of many in which he has acted, including several with Quentin Tarantino. In fact, if you IMDB him, you will see that he is one of the most prolific actors working today — he virtually travels from set to set, working and winning people over with his extraordinary kindness and professionalism. There is almost something buddha-like about him; he has THAT FACE on the outside…and inside, the heart of a gentle wiseman.

In addition to that — he is surprisingly hilarious. One night when we were standing around freezing our asses off, waiting for the lighting guys to work their magic for the next scene, and marveling at the beauty of one of the young actors in the film, he turned to me and said, “Let me tell you something, Miss Muffy — I never felt uglier in my life than when I found myself standing between Antonio Banderas and Johnny Depp. I just looked to my left and then looked to my right…and then raised my hands to heaven and asked god, ‘What the fuck, man? What’d I ever do to you?'”

When I met him, he was as gracious, charming, and affectionate as could be — and when I was bowing down before him, chanting that I wasn’t worthy, he laughed and told me, “Shit, stand your ass up, Holmes. We’re all the fuckin’ same, man.”

What a prince.