can i get a rating on van halen?

Okay…do you all know that song, “Drops of Jupiter” by Train? Yeah, the one where those guys try their asses off to approximate the sound and soul of The Black Crowes — which isn’t really saying much, if you think about it. It was popular like ten years ago, or something.

Well, anyway — there is a line in that song that apparently goes:

“Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?”

Well, for the LONGEST GODDAMNED TIME, I honest to christ thought that that line was instead the following (and would sing it out LOUD AND PROUD because it just amused me no end):

“Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
and Van Halen is overrated?”

AND VAN HALEN IS OVERRATED

Yeah, yeah, yeah…I am WELL aware that I am a ridiculous jackass, and when my husband heard me singing along one day in the car — singing along MY WAY, that is — he nearly busted a fucking cute jew-boy gut laughing at me.

But you know what? My reasoning was this: If a song contains the UTTERLY ludicrous, NO-talent, 21st century, BAD pop culture phrases:

“She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo…”

“Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken…”

“The best soy latte that you ever had and me…”

Then I see ZERO fucking outrageousness in it also containing the phrase, “Van Halen is overrated…”

And, yes…when I first heard it (or misheard it, rather), I must admit to having felt just AWFUL for poor ol’ Van Halen. To be publicly humiliated by Kurt Cobain the way they were was one thing — because there was almost a cool veneer to being on the receiving end of the infamous Cobain Disdain.

But to be MOLDED by those fucking NO-talent meathooks in Train, for chrissake?

Why, it’s almost too much to bear.

I do believe I shall be forced to seek solace in the best soy latte that I’ll ever have…and thee.

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

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