Every once in awhile, the lines blur and the standard rules fall away. Race, class, economic status, athletic genius, and world renown matter not in the least — along with the fawning adulation by annoying white pricks who, only a single generation ago, surely would’ve called him “boy” to his face and demanded he serve them tea in the clubhouse…instead of paying him millions of dollars to tee off in their boring, mindless, reverential tournaments. This fine and graceful athlete has shattered all preconceived notions about who belongs kickin’ ass out on the green…and who belongs delivering double-highballs and finger sandwiches to complete assholes back in the dining room at the country club.
But you know…when he crashed his SUV that night in December, Tiger Woods found out that none of that really matters. The only thing ol’ Tiger knows now is that if you stick your double-bogey into the birdie of a woman other than your wife and your wife finds out about it — BE PREPARED TO HAVE A 5 IRON BROKEN OFF IN YOUR ASS, my friend.
About muffybolding
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
muffy bolding 