
Way back in the Internet Stone Age (mid-90s), my friends and I used to troll through AOL Chat Rooms looking for scandal and belly laughs — oh, and trust me, WE FOUND ‘EM. One guy from like Ohio wanted to have Cyber-Sex with me (remember that??), so, just for shits and giggles, I accommodated him. Being new to all that horseshit, I was absolutely STUNNED when he revealed his kink: He wanted me to pretend that I was driving a midsize sedan that was stuck in the mud…and that no matter how many times I frantically pressed down on the gas pedal — WEARING A PAIR OF TAUPE PUMPS WITH A SENSIBLE HEEL — I just couldn’t get myself unstuck. I remember thinking, “YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS, PAL.”
Well, fast forward to 2010 — and, surprise, surprise — come to find out that it is now a THING. When it comes to debauchery, it seems my fatass is ALWAYS ahead of the curve. You shoulda known that I always know where to find the boys AND the booze!
Pedal Pumpin’ Motherfuckers
About muffybolding
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.