Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

eggplant

Posted on May 29, 2010 by muffybolding

In my opinion, the “Sicilian” scene between Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken in “True Romance” might just be the greatest 10 minutes ever committed to film and for that, I thank him for his brilliance. With that said…FUCK DENNIS HOPPER. … Continue reading →

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i am

Posted on May 26, 2010 by muffybolding

Let me tell you who I am. I am NOT the hot 23 year old with the titties and ass that go POW! whom you take to the party and then go home with afterward and fuck into next week. … Continue reading →

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smoke up, lil’ brother!

Posted on May 26, 2010 by muffybolding

I am sure if I researched it a bit, I would absolutely discover that this SHAMELESS Fat Armenian Chain Smoking Toddler is somehow related to my fatass. THIS IS SO MY GODDAMNED FAMILY, I CANNOT EVEN TELL YOU.

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his penis is less than zero

Posted on May 24, 2010 by muffybolding

Bret Easton Ellis can SUCK MY DICK.

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git it, punkin!

Posted on May 22, 2010 by muffybolding

Absurd Muff Fact #663: While we were shooting a movie in Nashville a few years ago, my best friend, Billy, talked me into doing an exuberant Underpants Chicken Dance to and fro in our room — TOPLESS…wearing only white granny … Continue reading →

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leave it

Posted on May 22, 2010 by muffybolding

Some things just need to be left inside your fucking head. Some things should remain in the past. Some things lose their beauty when brought out into the light for inspection. Some things are the domain of dreams for good … Continue reading →

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dada

Posted on May 22, 2010 by muffybolding

“I have forced myself to contradict myself in order to avoid conforming to my own taste.” — Marcel Duchamp

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vagine

Posted on May 21, 2010 by muffybolding

From http://www.formspring.me/muffybolding: “What flavor is your vagina?” Well, first of all, thank you so much for such a thoughtful and intelligent question, Anonymous. My vagina is flavored with the tears, subjugation, oppression, and patriarchal rule of 10,000 years. Oh, no … Continue reading →

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alton brown…ask me again, i’ll knock you down.

Posted on May 21, 2010 by muffybolding

The Food Network is like the best goddamned thing on tv, especially that brilliant old queen Alton Brown — LOVE HIM. He is like a physicist, an historian, a game show host, a master chef, a belly laugher, a favorite … Continue reading →

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bloomin’ truth

Posted on May 21, 2010 by muffybolding

Absurd Muff Fact #772: Come every lovely and fertile Springtime, whenever I happen to saunter past one of the flowering, olfactorially-triggering plant kingdom behemoths that I affectionately refer to as a “Load Tree”…I will actually experience a prom night flashback … Continue reading →

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