Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

nyc

Posted on May 4, 2010 by muffybolding

“New York has closed itself off to the young and the struggling. But there are other cities. Detroit. Poughkeepsie. New York City has been taken away from you. So my advice is: Find a new city.” — Patti Smith, when … Continue reading →

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you got it, chief

Posted on May 4, 2010 by muffybolding

Muff Fact #1712: The iconic crying Indian Chief in those “Keep America Beautiful” PSA’s from our youth was named Iron Eyes Cody…and not only was he NOT Native American — he was Sicilian. His real name was Espera de Corti … Continue reading →

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tres fierce bitches

Posted on May 3, 2010 by muffybolding

Our friends — the absolutely BRILLIANT Jackie Beat, Selene Luna, and Nadya Ginsburg — made a satricial and hilarious spoof, inspired by “The Corn Refiners Association” propaganda commercials, which just got a mention in the New York Times! You don’t … Continue reading →

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shut up and fuck

Posted on May 3, 2010 by muffybolding

“I really, really want to make love in a wheat field.” By the way — just for the record — if anyone earnestly uses the phrase, “make love” in my presence…that’s a GODDAMNED DEAL BREAKER, my friends. Mama don’t play … Continue reading →

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merwin

Posted on May 3, 2010 by muffybolding

Merwin is one of the greatest delights, inspirations, rapturous loves of my life. He is my last living link to all that was. When he is gone…I shall be inconsolable. For the Anniversary of My Death by W. S. Merwin … Continue reading →

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pork

Posted on May 1, 2010 by muffybolding

Wait a minute…I just realized something very vital to my Kevin Bacon/Pigface thesis: The KING of All Pigfaces…bears the surname of “Bacon”. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

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get it, girl

Posted on May 1, 2010 by muffybolding

Happy Birthday to my HILARIOUS, DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS little sister, Julia, who would have been 38 today but chose, instead, to depart for regions beyond. Someday, when we are all together again — probably in some place VERY VERY warm — … Continue reading →

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meathook

Posted on May 1, 2010 by muffybolding

Stephen Baldwin is OFF TRACK. As his oldest brother, Alec needs to step up and do the merciful thing and just put a hollow-point bullet right between this pathetic motherfucker’s eyes. That born-again meathook is the only Baldwin I WOULDN’T … Continue reading →

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joanie

Posted on May 1, 2010 by muffybolding

Goddamnit, this makes me BELLY SCREAM WITH LAUGHTER: “Joan Rivers’ vagina is so old…it has a separate entrance for black cock.”

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snout

Posted on May 1, 2010 by muffybolding

Something I’ve long wondered: When someone has a pigface…do they KNOW they have a pigface? I mean, is Kevin Bacon aware that he has a snout? Please advise.

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