Author Archives: muffybolding

A different question…but in somewhat the same vein as my earlier porcine proboscis query: Do you think that Penelope Cruz and Joey Mcintyre are aware that they have MOUSE FACES? I mean, if you look in the mirror and fucking … Continue reading →

A very distinct thought I clearly remember having when I was pregnant: When a woman is struttin’ around with a huge, knocked-up belly…it’s exactly the same as if she were struttin’ around wearing a sandwich board that says, “That’s right … Continue reading →

“This is so American, man: either make something your God and cosmos and then worship it, or else kill it.” — David Foster Wallace

“There is no denying the fact that writers should be read but not seen. Rarely are they a winsome sight.” — Edna Ferber

“Indeed, becoming a mother is the single best way a woman can elevate her risk of living in poverty — a truth that ought to be the unwavering call for action of the feminist movement.”

Although I think that Shemp on The Three Stooges, Cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch, Ricky on The Partridge Family, and Scooby DUM on Scooby Doo were all shark-jumpers, afterthoughts, meathooks, and STRICTLY OFF TRACK…I gotta say that I actually … Continue reading →

I am definitely cleaning up my act because I just found out that in Hell…an unwashed Courtney Love rides Reverse Cowgirl on your face until the end of time.

Wait a minute. I just noticed something. Wouldn’t ‘Kaiser Permanente’ translated mean ‘Eternal King’? Now WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?

Many have written to ask the precise definition of “OFF TRACK”, as so frequently and vociferously used by myself and my best friend, Billy. To respond, I am now beginning an ongoing series cleverly called “OFF TRACK.” The first entry: … Continue reading →

This shameless dame wants what she wants and is steppin’ up her motherfuckin’ game to get it. Just watch me.