Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

love it

Posted on April 4, 2010 by muffybolding

“Squat and Cough” is the name of my new band.

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i like this

Posted on April 3, 2010 by muffybolding

“Motivating millionaires.” – Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson, when asked what is the hardest part of his job.

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now THAT’S a PIECE OF ASS

Posted on April 2, 2010 by muffybolding

A most thoughtful product to help minimize the existential shame that your dog undoubtedly feels over his or her unsightly butthole. (YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS.) Bringing BUTTHOLE Back

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silly lilly

Posted on April 1, 2010 by muffybolding

Aside from ol’ Christina Onassis, have you ever noticed that wealthy, socialite-type women are NEVER fatasses? And further, the ones that are usually die young — not of heart disease or diabetes like the rest of us filth — but … Continue reading →

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two

Posted on March 31, 2010 by muffybolding

I am now going to invoke two little words that, when spoken together, will mean absolutely nothing to the boys out there — but will strike ABSOLUTE TERROR into the heart of anyone in possession of a cooter. Two words: … Continue reading →

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gen x or boomer

Posted on March 29, 2010 by muffybolding

For those trifling over the parameters of Generation X (a term that was popularized in modern usage by one Douglas Coupland, who was born in 1961), I have come up with a fool-proof method. Even though researchers generally agree that … Continue reading →

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truth

Posted on March 29, 2010 by muffybolding

Gosh, it just now hit me; how bizarre is it that in my over 25 years as a Women’s Rights activist, the ONLY person I have ever known who actually used abortion as a form of birth control…was a Conservative … Continue reading →

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blaque power

Posted on March 29, 2010 by muffybolding

I’ve been stomping around with my granny panties in a wad, asking this same question for months: Where in the FUCK were all these tea-bagging patriots when we were getting ASS RAPED WITH NO LUBE by the Bush administration for … Continue reading →

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boxcar

Posted on March 27, 2010 by muffybolding

And speaking of online debauchery…there was the SENSIBLE TAUPE PUMP GUY — and then there was the I AM OBSESSED WITH YOUR THIGH MUSCLES GUY. Whereas STPG just wanted me to pretend I was stuck in the mud and frantically … Continue reading →

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sellouts and sicilians

Posted on March 27, 2010 by muffybolding

You know, I feel genuine compassion for the fact that he is now an old man suffering and dying of prostate cancer…but I just gotta say: FUCK DENNIS HOPPER. How in the LOVING FUCK do you go from EASY RIDER … Continue reading →

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