Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

scavenger

Posted on March 26, 2010 by muffybolding

A friend just reminded me of that most amusing night last year when I was surprised and delighted to discover — via legions of belly laughing teenagers with cameras ringing my doorbell at all hours — that “a picture of … Continue reading →

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shoes, betch

Posted on March 26, 2010 by muffybolding

Way back in the Internet Stone Age (mid-90s), my friends and I used to troll through AOL Chat Rooms looking for scandal and belly laughs — oh, and trust me, WE FOUND ‘EM. One guy from like Ohio wanted to … Continue reading →

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picasso

Posted on March 25, 2010 by muffybolding

Is it just me or is Shannen Doherty’s face all screw-jiggy? Bitch has got one eye way higher than the other. She looks like a really lovely, really pissy, REALLY BUTCH Picasso painting with a shitty attitude.

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subterfuge girl

Posted on March 24, 2010 by muffybolding

Someone recently asked me what was the first concert I attended. I was 12 and my parents took me to see The Beach Boys at Selland Arena in Fresno. I brought my vinyl copy of Pet Sounds with me in … Continue reading →

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rip, michael bryan

Posted on March 18, 2010 by muffybolding

“Marie Osmond: My Mormon Faith Got Me Through Son’s Death” Sort of an ironic statement, don’t you think…seeing that your intolerant, harsh, racist, sexist, homophobic, judgemental religion is most likely what caused him to take his young life in the … Continue reading →

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chewbacca buffet

Posted on March 16, 2010 by muffybolding

I’m telling you, people, I’m a goddamned clairvoyant. I called this one six months ago when I proudly announced to the world that my new stripper name was Chewbacca Buffet. So, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado — HERE … Continue reading →

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stay gold, motherfucker

Posted on March 15, 2010 by muffybolding

I honestly believe that life basically comes down to a neverending battle between the Greasers and the Socs. I am a Greaser.

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dirty hippies

Posted on March 14, 2010 by muffybolding

To all my tie-dyed, big-bushed, hairy-armpitted, patchouli-reeking comrades out there — and god knows there are many: I love you and admire your commitment to protecting the earth, but GOOD GODDAMN…all your hippie household cleaning products don’t work FOR SHI-OT, … Continue reading →

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the claw

Posted on March 14, 2010 by muffybolding

And while we’re truth-telling about stuff you LOATHE that everyone else worships — and man, oh, man, is my fatass gonna get reamed for THIS: THE SIMPSONS IS NO. It’s always been NO, it’ll always be NO, and Homer Simpson … Continue reading →

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truth

Posted on March 10, 2010 by muffybolding

I am trying to write and am feeling all baggied-out and sketchy. I need another cup of coffee like Paris Hilton needs her pussy stretched

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