Author Archives: muffybolding

Unknown's avatar

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

the stench of redemption

Posted on February 24, 2010 by muffybolding

Upon entering into our bedroom, where my sweet husband, Gregory, is lying and reading The New Yorker: Me: “Jesus Christ, Baby — what is that smell? It smells like shit in here.” He: (without even looking up from his magazine) … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

XXX pawn

Posted on February 23, 2010 by muffybolding

The show “Pawn Stars” is nothing but an “Antiques Roadshow” for the trashy, working class scalliwags of the world — which explains why I fucking love it so much.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

cacada

Posted on February 22, 2010 by muffybolding

The one thing we all have in common is that we are forced, by physiology, to everyday maneuver the material world, i.e., we have BODIES. So, when trying to bring people together, I think the very best PLACE to start … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

mr. mike

Posted on February 22, 2010 by muffybolding

“Living well and ripping your enemy’s still-beating heart out with your bare hands is the best revenge.” — Michael O’Donoghue

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

i love me some zelda sayre, goddamnit

Posted on February 22, 2010 by muffybolding

“There seemed to be some heavenly support beneath his shoulder blades that lifted his feet from the ground in ecstatic suspension, as if he secretly enjoyed the ability to fly but was walking as a compromise to convention.” — Zelda … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

i like to keep it REAL WITCHY

Posted on February 22, 2010 by muffybolding

“I have come to the conclusion that pagans are evil — not because they get in touch with the devil or warp the minds of the young or are responsible for more bad heavy metal art than anyone else, but … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

DON’T DO IT

Posted on February 21, 2010 by muffybolding

Muff Pet Peeve #664: People who UNDER-ORDER in restaurants. Last year, we were visiting my sister, Mo, and her family up in Fresno, and one night we all went out for pizza at Me ‘N Eds, a local joint with … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

hey, cuz!

Posted on February 21, 2010 by muffybolding

Odd Muffaletta Fact #1612: My husband Gregory’s first cousin, Robert Rhine, is the founder, publisher, and “Deaditor-In-Chief” of the taut skin/rotting flesh horror/comedy magazine, “Girls and Corpses.” Bob, who also portrays Rod Serling in the “The Twilight Zone Tower of … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

cute jew boy

Posted on February 21, 2010 by muffybolding

My One True Love.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

the force

Posted on February 18, 2010 by muffybolding

When you have teenagers in the house, you can never, ever fuck. All we have to do is quietly shut our goddamn door and those kids — dickin’ around on Facebook and listening to Lady Shithead in their own rooms … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment