Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

the meme of the unholy trinity

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

You get 3 words; no more, no less. 1. Where is your cell phone? Between my titties. 2. Your girlfriend/boyfriend/hubby? The Cutest Piglet. 3. Your hair? “That Girl” flip. 4. Where is your father? Covered with snow. 6. Your favorite … Continue reading →

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love

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

Here in Southern California, we are currently in the midst of three HUGE storms. This makes me happier than you could ever know. I love rain, I love cold, I love blustery weather, I love Ted Hughes, I lovehot coffee, … Continue reading →

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insane

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

“God’s pattern is for men to be the leaders, both in the church and in the family…women should listen and learn quietly and submissively. I do not let women teach men or have authority over them.” — Pat Robertson. Umm…I … Continue reading →

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"god only knows what i’d be without you…"

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

Aside from the simple matter of craving some serious adventure, one of the more practical reasons Gregory and I traveled to Boston last year was so that he could introduce me to some of his old high school friends and … Continue reading →

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Movies, movies, everywhere…and not a drop to drink!

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times: Hard Day’s Night, The Godfather Trilogy, What’s Up, Doc?, The Royal Tenenbaums, Pulp Fiction, Arthur, Amelie, To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. These, among countless others, … Continue reading →

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inside the fat actor’s studio

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

This questionnaire was originated by French television personality Bernard Pivot, and made famous by the ever unctuous and orange James Lipton on Inside the Actor’s Studio 1. What is your favorite word? Butch. 2. What is your least favorite word? … Continue reading →

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can i get an amen?

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is…eatin’ chili dogs and lettin’ shit slide.

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"dog’s death": this poem breaks my heart

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

John Updike: 1932-2009 Rest In American small town, Protestant, middle class Peace, old friend. Dog’s Death She must have been kicked unseen or brushed by a car.Too young to know much, she was beginning to learnTo use the newspapers spread … Continue reading →

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you are special

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

You Are Special You are my friendYou are specialYou are my friendYou’re special to me.You are the only one like you.Like you, my friend, I like you. In the daytimeIn the nighttimeAny time that you feel’s the right timeFor a … Continue reading →

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no, seriously…

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

How many wonders can one cavern hold?

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