Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

15 books in 15 minutes!

I’ve been tagged on this fabulous book meme by just about everyone I know, so do it if you want — and if not? FUCK OFF, LADY. Rules: Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read … Continue reading

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a poem by diane lockward

My Husband Discovers Poetry Because my husband would not read my poems,I wrote one about how I did not love him.In lines of strict iambic pentameter,I detailed his coldness, his lack of humor.It felt good to do this. Stanza by … Continue reading

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bruce almighty

And speaking about hair…every bastard in this country with thinning hair and a receding hairline needs to get down on his knees and thank the baby jesus for the ONE MAN who made it not only okay to lose your … Continue reading

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on and on

“Because we don’t know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember … Continue reading

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RAGE

From July, 2009: My brilliant, beautiful teenage daughter returned from a month-long backpacking trip through Europe yesterday — the same day that Los Angeles writer Greg Burk and attorney Deborah Drooz were notified that the body of their brilliant, beautiful … Continue reading

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can i get a rating on van halen?

Okay…do you all know that song, “Drops of Jupiter” by Train? Yeah, the one where those guys try their asses off to approximate the sound and soul of The Black Crowes — which isn’t really saying much, if you think … Continue reading

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for all my christian friends (of which, i am sure, there are many)

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So, I ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. I said, “Well, there’s … Continue reading

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hot

From September, 2009: You cannot believe the raging, relentless fires that currently surround my little family, my little house, and my little community. This is the real deal, my poppets. In an area that reportedly hasn’t had a really kickin’ … Continue reading

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smoke and kisses

From September, 2009: Despite sheltering under a mushroom cloud of biblical proportions for the entire past week — with 100 foot flames lapping at our fine asses every five — my little family and I are doing remarkably well. The … Continue reading

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can i get an amen for brother bertrand?

“The Christian view that all intercourse outside marriage is immoral was, as we see in the passages of St. Paul, based upon the view that all sexual intercourse, even within marriage, is regrettable. A view of this sort, which goes … Continue reading

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