Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

groovy old hooker

Posted on July 30, 2012 by muffybolding

Just in case there was ever any doubt, DOUBT NO MORE: I AM THE RHODA.

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inch worm

Posted on July 26, 2012 by muffybolding

I just happened upon this awesome finger tattoo, designed to be a built-in measuring tool for knitters. When figuring out gauge for a new project, no more scrambling for a ruler or measuring tape — it’s right there on your … Continue reading →

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betty

Posted on July 26, 2012 by muffybolding

Goddamnit, this old broad is THE VERY ESSENCE OF ON TRACK. “Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep. Nine if you’re ugly.” — Betty White

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miss gabourey

Posted on July 20, 2012 by muffybolding

TELL IT, LITTLE SISTER! “People always ask me, You have so much confidence. Where did that come from? It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I … Continue reading →

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miss tyne

Posted on July 20, 2012 by muffybolding

The very best part of this, aside, of course, from this fabulous old broad speaking her truth? She’s NEVER, EVER looked better. “You know, my hair is very upsetting to people, but it’s upsetting on purpose. It is important to … Continue reading →

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float on

Posted on July 16, 2012 by muffybolding

I do my very best thinking when I am floating in my daily hot bath. There amongst the steam and suds, my notorious imagination is free to wander where it may. Today, it wandered here — a place where it … Continue reading →

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werq

Posted on July 15, 2012 by muffybolding

I post this picture today with a huge smile on my face and great affection and gratitude in my heart for all those marvelous employers in my past who, when it was at all possible, allowed me to show up … Continue reading →

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tell it

Posted on July 14, 2012 by muffybolding

Just a friendly little Public Service Announcement for all you asshole parents out there who are raising a sensitive, awesome, intelligent, artistic, creative, highly observant child…that you ruthlessly fuck with, torment, abuse, neglect, and/or exploit: Smile, Motherfuckers. YOU’RE GONNA BE … Continue reading →

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hooker in the head

Posted on July 10, 2012 by muffybolding

Public restroom self-portrait — i.e., a shithouse life study — of a fancy, feral, feisty, felonious, fearless, Fat Girl from Fresno. The Echo, Los Angeles, July 2012.

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marina

Posted on July 10, 2012 by muffybolding

Though she has no children of her own, she refers to herself as “The Grandmother of Performance Art”. She is bold, provocative, in-your-fucking-face, unswerving, unafraid to gaze directly into the abyss, to plumb its depths, to drag her nails along … Continue reading →

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