Category Archives: categories can suck my dick

A friend just reminded me of that most amusing night last year when I was surprised and delighted to discover — via legions of belly laughing teenagers with cameras ringing my doorbell at all hours — that “a picture of … Continue reading →

Way back in the Internet Stone Age (mid-90s), my friends and I used to troll through AOL Chat Rooms looking for scandal and belly laughs — oh, and trust me, WE FOUND ‘EM. One guy from like Ohio wanted to … Continue reading →

Is it just me or is Shannen Doherty’s face all screw-jiggy? Bitch has got one eye way higher than the other. She looks like a really lovely, really pissy, REALLY BUTCH Picasso painting with a shitty attitude.

Someone recently asked me what was the first concert I attended. I was 12 and my parents took me to see The Beach Boys at Selland Arena in Fresno. I brought my vinyl copy of Pet Sounds with me in … Continue reading →

“Marie Osmond: My Mormon Faith Got Me Through Son’s Death” Sort of an ironic statement, don’t you think…seeing that your intolerant, harsh, racist, sexist, homophobic, judgemental religion is most likely what caused him to take his young life in the … Continue reading →

I’m telling you, people, I’m a goddamned clairvoyant. I called this one six months ago when I proudly announced to the world that my new stripper name was Chewbacca Buffet. So, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado — HERE … Continue reading →

I honestly believe that life basically comes down to a neverending battle between the Greasers and the Socs. I am a Greaser.

To all my tie-dyed, big-bushed, hairy-armpitted, patchouli-reeking comrades out there — and god knows there are many: I love you and admire your commitment to protecting the earth, but GOOD GODDAMN…all your hippie household cleaning products don’t work FOR SHI-OT, … Continue reading →

And while we’re truth-telling about stuff you LOATHE that everyone else worships — and man, oh, man, is my fatass gonna get reamed for THIS: THE SIMPSONS IS NO. It’s always been NO, it’ll always be NO, and Homer Simpson … Continue reading →

I am trying to write and am feeling all baggied-out and sketchy. I need another cup of coffee like Paris Hilton needs her pussy stretched