Category Archives: categories can suck my dick

I cannot even utter aloud the name of the perfume I am wearing these days because although my picky, pissy, shitkicking sniffer absolutely adores it — my dignity prevents me from acknowledging that an old hooker as olfactively discriminating as … Continue reading →

Vacuous Muff Fact #883: One of my greatest regrets in life is that no matter how much I may want it to be otherwise…no matter how perfectly it would augment my pose…no matter how much I may worship its creator…no … Continue reading →

I sleep with one chihuahua tucked beside my gunt and one chihuahua tucked between my hooters. For those undoubtedly wondering…YES, they, too, get in the way of my erotic lifestyle. BUT THEY’RE JUST SO GODDAMNED ADORABLE.

Though I am certainly known for my tact, as well as my unparalleled moral propriety, I simply don’t know how to communicate the following information in a non-offensive way…so I am going to dispense with the goddamned niceties and just … Continue reading →

Well, well, well…it looks like the chubby, delightful, little IMDB elves have been busy updating my professional profile for me: Muffy Bolding is an actress. Muffy Bolding has sometimes been credited as “Butch.”

Muffy Formspring Question: “Do you go to garage sales?” Funny you should axe this question, as, next to knitting, schtupping, reading, writing, traveling, and making movies, going to garage sales and thrift stores is just about my favorite thing in … Continue reading →

And THIS, my not-so-gentle readers, is supposed to be the very best of the best that we got to offer. Like I’ve been saying for the past 15 years or so — and believe me, as a poet and an … Continue reading →

Happy Anniversary and Happy Bloomsday to My One True Love. You are my most treasured friend, my most trusted confidant, my most stalwart travel companion, my most loyal champion, my most fierce protector, my most loving co-parent, my most ruthless … Continue reading →

I am quite literally and literarily being haunted by David Foster Wallace.

I am extraordinarily excited at the moment because Frankie Jean the Beauty Queen, Pearlie Mae the Empress of Shitkickers & Thieves, and I are getting ready to have us a little private screening of the movie, President’s Day , from … Continue reading →