muffy bolding

“As I get older, I just prefer to knit.” — Tracey Ullman

My problem with the dethroned Miss California, Carrie Prejean, is not that she’s a whore — ALL OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE SHAMELESS WHORES, MYSELF INCLUDED. My problem with her is that she’s a phony, sanctimonious, self-righteous, fascist, ignorant, intolerant prick.

The real problem with broads like Prejean and all her horseshit conservative christian ilk is that they fail to realize that their sinful whoring IS THE MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT THEM.

“Festive Nephew” is the name of my new band.

My talented and hilarious teenage nephew, Alex, is, in fact, SO FESTIVE that one day about 12 years ago I patted him down at the door after a visit at my house AND FOUND THREE OF MY MAC EYESHADOWS AND A NICKED CRIMSON LIPSTICK STOWED IN HIS GODDAMNED DIAPER. That’s a true fucking story.

My wicked funny and much-beloved teenage nephew, Alex, is, in fact, SO FESTIVE, that the same Christmas his cousins, Julian, Hunter, and Chase, asked for Gameboys and Star Wars Legos sets, Alex asked for Jimmy Choo pumps and a motherfucking Bumpit. That’s a true goddamned story.

I think that Beverly D’Angelo has the sexiest overbite on the planet and if I ever made the decision to chase dames, she would be my number one with a magic bullet.

Because she is so extraordinarily intelligent, well-spoken, and liberated, it makes me suspect that Ann Coulter must be paid a WHOLE LOTTA SIMOLIANS BY SOMEBODY to do what she does and say what she says…BECAUSE THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY SHE CAN SERIOUSLY BELIEVE THAT HORSESHIT. I just don’t buy it.

Even though she has never defended the rights — reproductive or otherwise — of myself, my sisters, my daughters, my girlfriends, and even the rights of her own two daughters…I will proudly stand up and defend to the death the right of Sarah Palin to control HER own destiny. Despite the massive chasm between us culturally, politically, and ideologically, I admire her ambition and her moxie. Now she just needs to pull her head out of her ass.

I write doodads…because it’s a doodad kind of town.

Michael Pare’ expertly and graciously doing the Monkeyface for me on the set of “Furnace”, Old Nashville State Prison, February, 2006:

So fucking ALL.