This is a statue of the BRILLIANT VISIONARY, Nikola Tesla, that stands in Silicon Valley. Beneath the statue is a time capsule that will be opened on January 7th, 2043 — the 100th anniversary of Tesla’s death — and the orb he is holding broadcasts FREE WI-FI FOR ALL.
Because THIS is what you and Your One True Love get when your fatass orders a large soy latte and the adorable, young barista inevitably asks, “Would you like that hot or iced, Miss?” and you flash him a dazzling smile and SWAGGER ANSWER:
“Hot. LIKE ME, Son.”
“LUMINOUS CHING-CHONGERY” is the name of my new Kabuki Uke Troupe and Punk Thug Jug Band.
Goddamn, how I love the MIGHTY LA County Fair! Mustard-slathered corn dogs, delightfully okified crochet displays, all the carnie meth I can snort, and EXTRAORDINARY SHIT just like this.
ZERO FUCKS GIVEN.
Fellow Treasured Earthling…you have a choice before you.
You can stand out on the sidewalk holding your IGNORANT, CALLOUS, HATEFUL, RACIST SIGNS, hissing and chanting, “GO HOME! YOU ARE UNWELCOME! YOU DON’T BELONG HERE! WE HATE YOU!”
You can open your minds, your hearts, and your arms…and do this.
THIS being treat your fellow human beings — your fellow human beings, mind you, who have been through UNIMAGINABLE FUCKING SUFFERING and have lost EVERYTHING THEY OWN, including their beloved homeland and way of life — with DIGNITY, KINDNESS, COMPASSION, RESPECT, GENEROSITY…and LOVE.
Please understand that these people — especially these little children — will never forget this moment. They will remember it ALL OF THEIR LIVES…and they will carry the memory of it in their little hearts always…and the astonishing KINDNESS and LOVE shown them that day will multiply exponentially inside them and then radiate outwards in a million different ways — traveling like shimmering light through both humanity…and infinity.
I say to you now — and I am SERIOUS AS A GODDAMNED HEART ATTACK — if you choose the former…
FUCK YOU. UNFRIEND/UNFOLLOW ME NOW.
I choose LOVE.
ALL Y’ALL whiners need to SHUT THE FUCK UP with your slippers, flyswatters, spatulas, and spoons.
You see, the humble wooden spoon was what I used to get from my MOTHER.
Conversely, this groovy, vintage, 1960s leather number, Mein Poppets…was what I used to get from my Step-Father.
THINK I DIDN’T?
PS) My harrowing childhood made me who and what I am…and though everyone has their own particular way to handle their own challenges from the past, I have found in my life that the only way to survive, vanquish, conquer, own, and endure…is to FUCKING THROW BACK MY GODDAMNED FLORIDA EVANS NECK and BELLY LAUGH AT MY SHIT. ALL OF IT.
And, so I do.
I cannot believe I get to spend my life with this adorable, adventurous, brilliant, kind, extraordinary boy. Talk about your DUMB LUCKY SLUT.
Me and the Babies miss you, Sir! Hurry home to us! Be safe! We love you!