I gotta tell you, Mein Poppets…I am just about done with EVERYBODY being offended ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING, ALL THE FUCKING TIME.


I have a post on deck that I’ve been working on for a couple of weeks addressing not only this, but every other DICK MOVE issue on the motherloving planet…a little post which I affectionately refer to as, “THE ARMAGEDDON POST”, i.e., if/when I post it, HUMANKIND AS WE KNOW IT CEASES TO FUCKING EXIST.

Well, not really…but I guarantee you that a whole lot of the rotting, festering fruit that is hanging on the hanging tree that is my Facebook page will be VAPOR, baby — and this house will be CLEAN.

Can you tell that today all the GOTTDAMNED DOUCHE-LORDS of the world are JAMMIN’ MY FAT FREQUENCIES?

People just need to pull the uptight-Saturday-night tree trunk outta their ass, shut the fuck up with the CONSTANT HIGH DUDGEON, and just BELLY LAUGH LIKE A JACKAL. Quit taking every blithering thing so seriously and just let some shit slide, bitches.

In the words of the brilliant, inimitable Oddball:

“Why don’t you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don’t you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don’t you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?”

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Inane Muff Fact #626: As definitive testament to my treacherous upbringing and scandalous past, when I am out and about sashaying the town and someone recognizes me and asks, “Excuse me? Are you Muffy Bolding?”, my very first impulse, every single time, is to wonder if they are a) going to arrest me, b) serve me with court papers, or c) SHOOT ME IN THE FUCKING FACE.

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I am currently in the midst of answering some really great interview questions, one of which is asking what really makes a trashy Old Hooker like myself STAGGER THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE, STOPPING OCCASIONALLY TO LEAN MY FATASS ON SOME WALL OR PIECE OF FURNITURE TO REGROUP, ONLY TO THEN REGLANCE AT THE IPHONE IN MY HAND AND BEGIN BELLY SCREAMING WITH LAUGHTER OUT LOUD LIKE A MUTHAFUCKA ONCE AGAIN, waking both man and animal from their peaceful slumbers.

This, Mein Poppets.


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Honey, let me tell you something…you can have all the fucking talent in the world and all the gottdamned ambition — but without INSPIRATION…you got NOTHING.

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I was delighted to find that the last paragraph of this Harold Ramis quote is one of my very own personal mantras. It is how I live my life EVERY FUCKING MINUTE OF EVERY FUCKING DAY:

And lastly, my very own personal mantra — how I live my life EVERY FUCKING MINUTE OF EVERY FUCKING DAY:


Believe in YOURSELF.

Believe in THEM.


Never be small, petty, undermining, or envious — and immediately cut out of your life, like a goddamned cancer, ANYONE WHO IS.

Reciprocity, communion, inspiration, support — let these be the words that guide and compel you.

And ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS celebrate, WITH ALL YOUR HEART, the great fortunes of others. Know that there is room enough at The Table for ALL who wish to be there and are willing to work for it.

Now…open your eyes, open your mind, open your heart, open your throttle…AND GET YOUR ASS OUT THERE AND FUCKING WORK FOR IT.

I’ll meet you at The Table.”


That’s it. It’s really that simple. Do these things, and your life will be extraordinary…just like Harold Ramis’ was.


“You have to live your life with a certain blind confidence that if it’s your destiny to succeed at these things, it will happen, if you just continue to follow a straight path, to do your work as conscientiously and as creatively as you can, and to just stay open to all opportunity and experience. There’s a performing motto at Second City…to say yes instead of no. It’s actually an improvisational rule…It’s about supporting the other person. And the corollary to that is if you concentrate on making other people look good, then we all have the potential to look good. If you’re just worried about yourself—How am I doing? How am I doing?—which is kind of a refrain in Hollywood, you know, people are desperately trying to make their careers in isolation, independent of everyone around them.

And I’ve always found that my career happened as a result of a tremendous synergy of all the talented people I’ve worked with, all helping each other, all connecting, and reconnecting in different combinations. So…identify talented people around you and then instead of going into competition with them, or trying to wipe them out, make alliances, make creative friendships that allow you and your friends to grow together, because someday your friend is going to be sitting across a desk from you running a movie studio.” – Harold Ramis

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RIP harold ramis

My heart is so broken right now. I loved his work and I loved him. He was such an inspiration to me — his dignity, his decency, his humility, his humanity, his intelligence, and his endless, boundless enthusiasm. He was a true mensch who proved that even when you are famous, you don’t have to be a DICK. He was ALL about the work — and he inspired me NO END. In so many ways, he was a visionary.


Requiescat in Pace, Harold Ramis.

PS) I just found out that he and Bill Murray had reconciled after years of estrangement. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. For both of them. For all of us who adore them.

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fortune smiles on the tubby

In ALL of my half century on this everlovin’ planet…in ALL the delicious Chinese food meals my fatass has consumed — and trust me, that’s A LOT — I have never once gotten two fortune cookies in one bag. My first thought was, “HURRAY! FATTIE LIKES FLAVOR!” And my second thought was, “HOLY SHIT. The auspicious nature of these rare twin fortunes just ramped up in droves.”

I opened the first one…and it actually said, “Eat all the chocolate you want. You only live once.” (The ancient Chinese CLEARLY saw my tubby self coming on that one.) I threw my Florida Evans Neck back and belly laughed out loud.

I held my breath and opened the other. This is what it said.

I then proceeded to wolf ALL THEM TASTY MUTHAFUCKAS…and get back to the bidness of writing my book.

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I wrote this piece a couple of days ago:

I am now hearing reports that the Ukrainian government is poised to shut down the Internet, phone and cell service, as well as broadcast television access, and is ready to put all citizens under house arrest…leaving all those valiantly protesting in the streets of Kiev — as this young Ukrainian woman says — utterly “alone here.” Perhaps to be murdered one after another by the brutal forces of their own corrupt government when night falls — with no one to bear witness to those horrific events.

This courageous young Ukrainian woman is asking NOTHING of us, of the world…except that we do just that: BEAR WITNESS.

This revolution is really happening. Right now. As I type this. In their hopeful quest for freedom and self-determination, good and righteous people — both men and women and young and old alike — are being wounded, brutalized, murdered, and disappeared…with what may be ZERO accountability, if Kiev loses the ability to report their stories, post their photos and footage, and tell their truths to a shocked and horrified world that is watching helplessly as these people are beaten, arrested, and killed, one by one, by government snipers posted atop the buildings overlooking what is ironically known as Independence Square.

Make NO mistake. What is happening there in Kiev is an abomination of epic proportions — a crime against humanity, that the government is attempting to hide from the eyes of the world.

Isolation, silence, darkness, indifference. History has shown us that this is where atrocities live and thrive. If we turn our heads and look away, we do so at the very peril of losing our own humanity.

May whatever gods you believe in watch over them all.

Please share this video. Please contact your elected officials.

Thank you.

Edited to add: It is now being reported that the Ukrainian anti-government protesters, of which this young woman is one, have taken control of the city of Kiev and that the ruthless dictator, Viktor Yanukovich — whose immediate resignation they had demanded as the ONLY THING NOW THAT WOULD END THE PROTESTS — has fled the city after he and his cabinet ministers discovered that a large number of the police and security forces charged with protecting them had abandoned their posts and joined with their fellow countrymen marching in the streets seeking their freedom.

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tubby and drubbed

A mighty languorous, relaxed Old Hooker after a MAGNIFICENT Thai massage from her favorite girl, the ADORABLE, DARLING, DELIGHTFULLY BRUTAL, Pancake, at The Delight Day Spa.

Thanks for the HEALING BEATING and the LOVING DRUBBING! I love you, Miss Pancake!


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Between the common citizens risking their very lives by courageously protesting in the streets of The Ukraine, Venezuela, Syria, and elsewhere…all towards the goal of freedom, dignity, decency, human rights, and self-determination…THE WORLD?


And, meanwhile, back in America…we continue to be obsessed with and distracted by the two pillowy, luminous fat pads on which Miss Kim Kardashian sits and shits.


“An anti-government protester gestures towards riot police during clashes in Independence Square in Kiev February 18, 2014. Ukrainian riot police advanced on Tuesday onto a central Kiev square occupied by protesters, after at least 75 people died in the worst day of violence since demonstrations erupted against President Viktor Yanukovich 12 weeks ago.”

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