the enforcer

Knitter PLEASE.

ALL Y’ALL whiners need to SHUT THE FUCK UP with your slippers, flyswatters, spatulas, and spoons.

You see, the humble wooden spoon was what I used to get from my MOTHER.

Conversely, this groovy, vintage, 1960s leather number, Mein Poppets…was what I used to get from my Step-Father.

THINK I DIDN’T?

‪#‎andyouwonderwhyMAMADONTFUCKINGPLAY‬
‪#‎allgirlstothefront‬

PS) My harrowing childhood made me who and what I am…and though everyone has their own particular way to handle their own challenges from the past, I have found in my life that the only way to survive, vanquish, conquer, own, and endure…is to FUCKING THROW BACK MY GODDAMNED FLORIDA EVANS NECK and BELLY LAUGH AT MY SHIT. ALL OF IT.

And, so I do.

11954717_10153561553711085_9183912753660816019_n

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

boy

I cannot believe I get to spend my life with this adorable, adventurous, brilliant, kind, extraordinary boy. Talk about your DUMB LUCKY SLUT.

Me and the Babies miss you, Sir! Hurry home to us! Be safe! We love you!

‪#‎cutepiglet‬ 
‪#‎thebestsailor‬
‪#‎myonetruelove‬
‪#‎thatface‬
‪#‎thatshirt‬
‪#‎beautifulbrooksbrothersboy‬

11891248_10153561519156085_4567844008020954368_n

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

winter is coming

HOLDING FAST.
 
#mybagineissweltering
#thejeannateisonice
#timeforacooterspritzandagranplieoverafloorfan
#prayforme
Screen Shot 2015-08-27 at 4.59.36 PM
Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

dog/god

Two of the greatest loves of my life:

Miss Pearl and Miss Vivian.

They are my Sun…they are my Moon. They are my delight…they are my joy. They are my endless entertainment. They are my CONSTANT FAMILIARS…the secret source of all the magic that I possess and use to move through this world every day.

When I was younger, I used to look at Women Of A Certain Age with their vast legions of little dogs yapping and dancing at their feet and just shake my head and BELLY LAUGH IN BEFUDDLEMENT.

But, now…I get it.

Oh, I GET IT.

My children are all grown-up and out in the world creating extraordinary lives for themselves…and yet I find myself NOWHERE NEAR DONE with lavishing OBSCENE amounts of affection on tiny, adorable creatures.

And, furthermore, I don’t give a FUCK what dogless people say — I have three human babies and two canine babies so I am FULLY an expert on the subject and what I proclaim is this:

It is the exact same thing.

Do you hear what I am saying?

IT IS THE EXACT SAME THING.

Babies are BABIES.

So, Happy National Dog Day to both of my adored poochies, all of my delightful furry nieces and nephews, and to ALL the BELOVED BABIES OF THE WORLD.

My life would NOT be the same without their presence in it — and when it is time for me to leave this world…it is my EXPRESS WISH that their ashes be shaken, not stirred, along with Gregory’s and my very own…and there we will DWELL TOGETHER FOREVER…SMELLING LIKE HEAVENLY FRITO PAWS UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

I love you, Pearlie and Vivvie!

MOTHER LIKTH TO KITH YOU ON THE LIPTH!

Dogs ARE GODS.

“We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us.” — Maurice Maeterlinck

11224644_10153558963576085_3215094301862555491_n

11889536_10153558963596085_8866197222908686466_n

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

bibliana marmelstein

For some occasions…there simply ARE no words. #missviv

11954637_10153560466361085_5836932889876476209_n

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

percussive parenting

Don’t mind me. Just currently ordering this delightful t-shirt for myself, my 10 siblings, all three of my children, my VAST legions of nieces and nephews and cousins, and EVERY GOTTDAMNED KID RAISED IN AN ETHNIC HOUSEHOLD.

I only had to actually use it but a few select and vital times. Everafter, it was merely THE MYTH that kept asses in line. I carried mine in my purse at ALL times — with the words, “The Enforcer” inscribed upon the side with a black Sharpie pen. When babies became belligerent…all I had to do was raise an eyebrow, don a duck lip, and lift just the tip out of my purse — or what I called SHOWING WOOD — and, after that, babies scattered like adorable cockroaches and ALL WAS WELL.

And, for the record…my babies are GOLDEN.

#dontjudgeme
#youdontknowme
#youdontknowmylife
#brownmamasdontplay
#percussiveparenting
#buttbongofiesta

Screen Shot 2015-08-27 at 3.10.41 PM

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

cookie

This is the VERY essence of the meaning of life here on earth…distilled into a lovely little word biscuit. A communion wafer of truth.

ALL things must pass.

The only thing that lives on forever…is love.

unnamed-4
Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

truth

unnamed

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

YEAH, BABY!

unnamed-5

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

no matter how small

My word, how I adore this lovely monument of gratitude for their ultimate sacrifice. Now we just gotta figure out another way to test our genomes, unguents, potions, lotions, and pills.
 
THIS IS NOT THE WAY.
 
#saveALLbabies
#kindnessmatters
#evenforthemeece
#knittingDNA
#mayallbeingsbefreefromsuffering
unnamed-5
Posted in categories can suck my dick | 1 Comment