try me, chief

Delightful Muff Fact #8686:

Every single time I have the EXTREME pleasure of BLOCKING INTO THE GOTTDAMNED CORNFIELD some fucking illiterate, dangerously imbalanced, inbred, negative asshole, miniscule-dicked, CAN’T FUCK, RightWing DoucheLord…MY DICK GETS HARD.

Do NOT…FUSS…WITH ME, SON.

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jesus

Like I have always said — even when I was just a little girl in Fresno, California being force-fed communion wafers and strangled with rosary beads — extreme religiosity suggests a PROFOUND lack of imagination. And, THAT AIN’T ME.

WORD TO YOUR MOTHERFUCKER.

‪#‎jesusfuckingruled‬
‪#‎fundiechristiansnotsomuch‬
‪#‎youhavetobelieveinsomethinggoddamnit‬
‪#‎alrightfine‬
‪#‎idobelieveiamafatunicorn‬

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urn

For Whom It May Concern:

Upon my death, I would like this image engraved upon my urn. Thank you.

That is all.

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scratchin’ my itch

Inane Muff Fact #666: Few things in this motherloving life give me as much pleasure as referring to Satan as “Ol’ Scratch.”

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gusband

MY GUSBAND SUCKS COCKS IN HELL.

Well, to be more specific, My Gusband — Miss Jackie Beat — sucks Uncut Puerto Rican Clydesdale One-Coke-Can-Thick and Two Coke Cans Long Cocks In Hell…which for her, of course…is HEAVEN.

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chill

HA! Too soon?

NEVER.

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listen to your mama

HA! SCREAMING WITH BELLY LAUGHTER!

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hrc

Come on, Man.

SHE’S FUCKING DUE.

#hillary2016

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fran

“I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.” — The IMPROBABLE Fran Lebowitz

‪#‎teamlebowitz‬
‪#‎franstheman‬
‪#‎idontbelieveingod‬ 
‪#‎ibelieveinfran‬

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now

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“Why are you stingy with yourselves? Why are you holding back? What are you saving for—for another time? There are no other times. There is only now. Right now.” — George Balanchine

‪#‎nownownownownownownownownownow‬

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