Delightful Muff Fact #8686:
Every single time I have the EXTREME pleasure of BLOCKING INTO THE GOTTDAMNED CORNFIELD some fucking illiterate, dangerously imbalanced, inbred, negative asshole, miniscule-dicked, CAN’T FUCK, RightWing DoucheLord…MY DICK GETS HARD.
Do NOT…FUSS…WITH ME, SON.
Like I have always said — even when I was just a little girl in Fresno, California being force-fed communion wafers and strangled with rosary beads — extreme religiosity suggests a PROFOUND lack of imagination. And, THAT AIN’T ME.
WORD TO YOUR MOTHERFUCKER.
#jesusfuckingruled
#fundiechristiansnotsomuch
#youhavetobelieveinsomethinggoddamnit
#alrightfine
#idobelieveiamafatunicorn
For Whom It May Concern:
Upon my death, I would like this image engraved upon my urn. Thank you.
That is all.
Inane Muff Fact #666: Few things in this motherloving life give me as much pleasure as referring to Satan as “Ol’ Scratch.”
MY GUSBAND SUCKS COCKS IN HELL.
Well, to be more specific, My Gusband — Miss Jackie Beat — sucks Uncut Puerto Rican Clydesdale One-Coke-Can-Thick and Two Coke Cans Long Cocks In Hell…which for her, of course…is HEAVEN.
HA! SCREAMING WITH BELLY LAUGHTER!
Come on, Man.
SHE’S FUCKING DUE.
#hillary2016
“I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.” — The IMPROBABLE Fran Lebowitz
#teamlebowitz
#franstheman
#idontbelieveingod
#ibelieveinfran
“Why are you stingy with yourselves? Why are you holding back? What are you saving for—for another time? There are no other times. There is only now. Right now.” — George Balanchine
muffy bolding 