i don’t even know how to begin to respond to horseshit like this…

Mindnumbing drivel like this is why we are the laughingstock of the entire planet. It is why everyone is contemptuous of our culture and our citizenry. It is why they loathe us. It is why I loathe us.

It is why spoilt, privileged, judgemental, self-righteous, ridiculous, bored, misguided, Subaru-driving, Bugaboo-pushing, completely fucking crazy Park Slope pricks like this must be rounded up, savagely stripped of their Dansko clogs, Kate Spade handbags, and GAP khakis, and sent to detention camps that serve only fried baloney sandwiches and Taster’s Choice. Prozac, pilates, wasabi, and root touch-ups shall be absolutely out of the question.

My message to them is this: What, you got nothing better to do than prodigiously whine about contextually meaningless semantic horseshit minutiae such as this this? If that’s indeed the case, I got a pickaxe and a filthy, freezing, lice-infested cement bunk with your name on it, sister. Let’s see if we can’t set your fucking priorities straight.

Try as I might, I don’t think I can adequately convey to you just how weary I am of whiny, neurotic broads such as this lot. As far as I am concerned, these nutty goddamned bastards are every bit as zealous, insane, and dangerous as hardcore conservative Christian fundamentalists.

Fuck ’em all.

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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