Here I am a few weeks ago — The Sassy, Assy Librarian — mugging with the adorable trio of young actors, Hutch Dano, Adam Hicks, and Dan Curtis Lee, for Disney XDs new show, “Zeke and Luther”. I must say, it was an absolute pleasure working with them. Those boys are HILARIOUS and were making me belly laugh out loud every five. Their sheer energy is astonishing.

We spent the day shooting in the library at Santa Monica High School, and it went just swimmingly. I played a large-and-in-charge, harassed, BUTCH librarian — a real shitkicker to these boys who dared raise a ruckus in my beloved sanctuary of books. At the end of the day, with the dudes all done and wrapped, I still had most of my close-ups and reaction shots left to do. The director put me behind the huge check-out desk and directed me to act annoyed and exasperated — you know, grimace, roll my eyes, flare my nostrils ala Willie Wonka dealing with Mike Teavee and Violet Beauregarde…just your basic over-the-top, cartoony, mugatronic sort of acting, at which, I assure you, my fatass excels. These were close-ups, mind you…that, as we shot, kept getting closer and closer and closer — the darling director telling me exactly what he wanted, and me mugging within an inch of my life trying to give it to him.

As we were doing this, I kept hearing the script supervisor, who was watching me on the monitor, SCREAMING WITH BELLY LAUGHTER at my on-screen ridiculousness. She finally had to clamp her hand over her mouth to stifle the noise. And then, the DP — the guy actually running the camera — had to keep stopping and starting over because, as he told us, “I’m sorry…I’m laughing so hard, the camera is shaking.” Afterward, the director pulled me aside to talk to me, and of course, when you’re descended from shitkickers and thieves like I am, the first thing you always assume is bad news — “Well, that’s it. The jig is up. I’m out on my fatass. They figured out that I’m a NO-talent meathook.” Instead, this wonderful man smiled at me, put his arm around my shoulder and said, “I hope you know you just stole this shoot. I definitely wanna work with you again.”

For a trashy, scandalous, old hooker from Fresno — who should probably be dead by now, or, at the very least, actually hooking — I’d call that a good day.

What a lucky girl I am.