on the NOT-SO-dark side


We shot the film Furnace at the spooky old Nashville State Penitentiary a few years ago, in the freezing cold dead of winter. First things first: Nashville is motherfucking COLD — colder than a whore’s heart. I had no idea, people. Even now, just remembering it, my cooter, she is shivering.

Second things second: During my big scene, my hair was in a HUGE sassy secretarial bouffant, not seen before or since with these hairs of mine. That hair was epic — EVEN IN HELL.

And third things third: Said scene was just me and Michael Pare’ from “Eddie and The Cruisers” fame. He is fucking brilliant, funny, and oh, so LOVELY. I was absolutely smitten, and remain so to this day.

During the last take, unbeknownst to everyone else on the set, the director, Billy, and I took a small liberty with the script. Originally, Michael — who plays Detective Turner to my Polly, his secretary — sweetly asks me, “Are you propositioning me, Polly?”, and I look over the top of my glasses at him, read him, work my neck like there’s no tomorrow, and respond with, “Ummm, no — and trust me, honey…YOU COULDN’T KEEP UP.”

Billy and I — with one wicked eye on the inevitable outtakes reel — did the last take this way instead:

Michael: “Are you propositioning me, Polly?”

Polly (patting her bouffant, throwing down her file folders, and peeling off her sensible sweater before lustily crawling over the top of the precinct desk at him): “As a matter of fact, I am, Mr. Eddie and The Fucking Cruisers. Let’s get back on it!”

Needless to say, it brought down the gottdamned house — and belly laughing louder and harder than anyone else was Mr. Michael Pare’. He’s a good egg. Oh, and did I mention he’s still a top shelf piece of ass?

Goddamnit, I love my job.

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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