Two days ago, a dangerously imbalanced woman lost her fucking mind and began stabbing people with a cheap kitchen knife at the West Hollywood Target store. She managed to slash a total of four random strangers before being subdued by an off-duty LA police officer with a gun in his holster, a soft pretzel in his hand, and a jumbo pack of Huggies tucked under his arm.

Everybody survived, thank the Blessed Virgin…but I just saw this picture of the suspect, Layla Trawick…and I’ll be goddamned if, with a little Coast soap, a bush-trim, and a blow-out…this couldn’t be Liv Tyler.

Let me tell you something, my friends…only in LA do even the most psychotic homicidal maniacs look remarkably like Tolkien Elven nobility…with pillowy lips and the sexiest goddamned overbite you ever saw in your life.

God, I love this city.

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
This entry was posted in categories can suck my dick. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s