risque bisque


We have an old friend — a BRILLIANT, HILARIOUS ol’ queen who has been a successful casting agent for probably damn near as long as my fatass has been sashaying about on this planet — WHO HAS FUCKING SEEN IT ALL. I live to hear his scandalous tales of all the FAB male movie stars he and his partner have slept with over the years. SO COMPLETELY ON TRACK!

Anyway, because NO AMOUNT OF SKULLDUGGERY WILL EVER BE ENOUGH FOR A CURIOUS OLD HOOKER LIKE ME, a few years ago I asked him if they’d ever nailed any of the celebrity broads they worked with and he told me that, even through all the delightful decadence and debauchery of the 1970s, he’d only slept with ONE woman.

Tasting blood, I then asked how he liked it…and he looked thoughtful for a moment, took a slow sip of his Screwdriver, and, with a face as serious as Stonehenge, answered: “Well, the actual fucking and sucking part wasn’t so bad…but I’ll tell you, honey, I haven’t been able to eat Lobster Bisque since.”

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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