Last night, not only did my darling friend, Drag Superstar Miss Jackie Beat, quite brilliantly host and perform at Drag Queen Karaoke in West Hollywood — she brought along a little birthday treat for my fatass…which, when I saw it, made my heart race, my pulse quicken, and had me on my knees faster than a teenage dream date with The Bay City Rollers, circa 1977: a GLORIOUS, vintage, Norwegian wooden knitting caddy! It is SO CHOICE. I’ve already loaded it with all my most treasured yarns, notions, doo-dads, trinkets, and knitting accoutrement, and have even tenderly kissed it on its bottom several times. Like coming upon a nude Helen Mirren languorously lounging in a certain slant of light tilting in through a bedroom window…I just CAN’T stop gazing at it.
You know, the only thing better than a good friend who loves you just the way you are…is a GOOD FRIEND WITH FUCKING STUNNING, DROP-DEAD, DEAD-ON, IMPECCABLY GOOD TASTE, UNEQUALED EXCEPT BY YOUR VERY OWN. That would be Miss Jackie Beat. Thank you, Bitch! I’ll treasure it forever. They’ll bury my fatass in this son-of-a-bitch.