once a fat kid…

Important announcement:

As a Big Fattie who was also one of NINE children, I think I speak for us all when I say that BIG FATTIES LIKE OUR VERY OWN GODDAMNED PLATE OF CHOW WHEN WE EAT. We don’t like other meathooks grabbing at our grub, as it gets in the way of our gustatory satisfaction and pleasure. We are very concerned with getting our fair share. Fat Kids like a LOT of flavor and a LOT of time, space, and liberty when we eat. We enjoy moving freely  and exuberantly about the cabin whilst sucking the marrow from a juicy hind leg, yet staying ever close enough to keep a watchful eye on our waiting plate. We don’t like the food panic that ensues when we are forced to share or eat communally.

Therefore, WE DON’T DO MEALS “FAMILY STYLE.” EVER. So, don’t embarrass yourself by suggesting it.

Thank you. That is all.

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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