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I was asked on a date recently by the notorious and delightful Mario Diaz — and as if that alone wasn’t enough of a thrill for a fat girl from Fresno…the date was to see a show performed by his old New York City comrade in song and sin, Mx. Justin Vivian Bond. Mario and Jackie Beat have always gone on and on about their old friend, and I was always like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah…I get it. She’s brilliant.”

That night, sitting in my seat in the dark, tightly holding Mario’s hand, the tears started pouring out of me from the very first note out of Mx. Bond’s smoky throat — and never stopped. I have never been so moved by a live performance in all my life. I still can’t speak of it without weeping.

The next time some queen shakes his head, shrugs his shoulders, sighs from his soul, and says to you in a voice filled with longing, “Yeah, [Insert name of magnificent chanteuse from the past]…they don’t make broads like that anymore.” — I am telling you right now, my friend, THAT THEY DO.

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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