Muff Rule #722: EVERY human being should have to clean houses and/or wait tables at some point in their lives. Not only does it teach you valuable work skills, it also teaches you RESPECT for those who earn their living in the service industry. You wanna piss me off? Treat a waitperson poorly in front of me just to make yourself look better and SEE WHAT HAPPENS, my friend. YEAH. I have ZERO toleration for that sort of condescending horseshit behavior. Talk about unleashing the fucking KRAKEN. With me, that shit is NON-NEGOTIABLE. I will CUT A BITCH OFF…and then CUT A BITCH UP.
Don’t believe it? TRY MY FATASS.
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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And TIP! Many a first date has ended early (meaning without sex) because the guy was rude to waitstaff or valet or bartenders. NEVER be rude to bartenders, the bring you the booze and if they like you, the bring it quicker. Same with baristas.
HA! and GOD, YES. poor tippers get NO PUSSY! i love you, scottie! xoxo
People who are rude to telemarketers have a special place in hell. People who telemarket are students, addicts, newly-divorced, new immigrants… not people who need to be screamed at. If someone is willngly a telemarketer… they need help 🙂