bitch 1, pearl 2

I knit. Incessantly. Ruthlessly. Relentlessly. Unapologetically.

I make scarves for those I love — and they are always either named, themed, or both, and they always bear a single vintage button on one end, which is wooed, pursued, and specially chosen from sewing notion sources all over the globe. For my East Coast loveys, I make New York scarves — and all that that implies. And for my West Coast homies, I make them LA style — and all that THAT implies. I scour the knitting world over for just the right yarn — best texture, best color, best weight. I spare NO expense in my hunt, either time-wise or money-wise. This all probably sounds very lofty and ludicrous to the uniknitiated, but you must understand: these scarves are intended for EXTRAORDINARY people — so they must be EXTRAORDINARY, as well, as when I am done with them, they will both embrace and adorn someone who is beloved to me.

It took me over a year to find the perfect yarn for this currently in-progress LA scarf — that has a Planet of the Apes vibe…Mid-Century Acapulco Futuristic Primitive, with a single olive-green vintage button I unearthed at the yard sale of a delightful old witch in Pasadena. Its spacey design in conjunction with its retro color and matte surface is DEAD ON and I very nearly wept when I found it. The colors of the yarn are dark and masculine all — conjuring up images of my father’s private study in 1967… that is, if my father had had a private study. He didn’t, you see, as we were Poor Sicilian Trash living above my immigrant great-grandparents in Rochester, New York — but if he had, I just know that it would have evoked these same masculine hues, except, of course, for the very odd, very unexpected, tiny thread of Apricot running throughout, weaving in a tiny tendril of the much-needed Feminine…just like the person for whom this scarf is being lovingly created, one stitch at a time: Miss Jackie Beat.

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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