pickle bite

As a longtime Vegetarian — and, as of last year, enthusiastic Vegan — it has been ages and ages since I last scarfed a burger of any kind. And though I no longer support any of the meat production industries — for political, ethical, environmental, AND health reasons — I can still very clearly recall the Mystical Magical Childhood Deliciousness of the simple McDonald’s cheeseburger. Can you?

The fragrant, pillowy buns, the tart, hurried schmear of yellow mustard, the tiny, tasty pop of the reconstituted onions on your tongue.

But the very best part was when you were almost done, and you held between your small, raccoon pincers the greatest flavor of your young life, the last chomp, the one that was gonna make your itty eyes roll back in your bitty head — the one that you would never, ever forget. The thing I have always called: THE PICKLE BITE.

And even now, as a staunchly meat-free adult, I still use the same metaphor to describe something in my life that moves me, is meaningful to me, is precious to me, takes the top of my fucking head off. The Pickle Bite is something that I love with all my heart.

Miss Jackie Beat…you are my Pickle Bite.

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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One Response to pickle bite

  1. gijlyons says:

    Your essays always tickle my pickle, Frau Bolding. What I’m saying is, YES! You Rock My Cuke.

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