Because he serenades me with it in the car and gives this ol’ Fag Hag some SERIOUS tummy-flutters and goosebumps, this song will always and forever remind me of my sweet, dashing, and brilliant Gusband, Miss Jackie Beat — who lost his beautiful Baby this week.
I know that you miss her little tater tot body with everything that you are…but we will all be together again someday, Jinxie, I promise — especially after all our mortal cremains are collectively chucked into a magnificent urn and shaken, not stirred…and engraved on the side shall be:
“KISS OUR ASHES”
Can’t wait to mingle with you for all eternity, Bitch — and, trust me, you’re gonna look AWESOME with my Russian Shot-putter Legs.
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.