Inane Muff Fact #1712: As I go through past essays — sorting and gathering and editing and pondering — I realize that most of the very best writing I’ve done in my life has been during periods of serious crazy…and I’m not talkin’ just your common, run-of-the-mill crazy — I’m talkin’ EXTRAORDINARY crazy. FANCY crazy. As Dorothy Parker once put it…CRAZY “WITH RAISINS.”
Sigh.
I suppose it’s time.
So, tell me true, Mein Poppets: Would you ever consider reading a book written by a fucking scandalous-shameless-vulgarian-lunatic-hooker-of-a-certain-age-with-a-foul-mouth-a-glorious-gunt-and-the-best-gottdamned-shampoo-antlers-in-the-asylum?

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About muffybolding
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
I’d read your grocery list. I’d download it to my kindle and read it on a plane, laugh so loud they kick me off and put me on the no-fly list.
And, you see? THIS is why I love you, Scottie. Because you like me even though I am a dirty whore. I shan’t forget this kindness, sir. Someday…we WILL make out. xoxo
I’d love it.
Thank you, Herr Crawford. You are a goddamned peach! xoxo
Yes, especially if you use this as your author photo.
Yes, please!