requiescat in pace, bonnie

I am so sad.

Today the world has lost an extraordinary woman, wife, mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, and friend — and one of the most wise, decent, kind, generous, gentle, thoughtful, gracious human beings I have ever had the distinct privilege of knowing.

If you are familiar with my work, you know that I often bluster on and about how I don’t care what anybody thinks of me…that the only thing that matters is what I think of me — but that is not the actual truth. I cared very deeply about what this woman thought of me and respected her opinion…because, every single day that I knew her, she EARNED that respect and admiration. Through her acts of kindness, understanding, patience, and compassion, I learned so much from her about being both a good person and a good mother. When I married her son, we were still just two stupid kids in Fresno, California, with NO idea what we were doing…but she welcomed me into her family with open arms — and never shut me out, even when that teenage marriage eventually ended 16 years and three gorgeous babies later.

When her amazing son first brought me home to meet them all those years ago, I can’t even imagine what she must have thought. I was nothing more than a lost girl from a shattered, scandalous family, looking for peace and normalcy and a quiet place away from the chaos, discord, abuse, and violence in which I had been raised — traumatized and ashamed of who I was, and where and what I came from. Despite all that, she and her husband saw the good in me and the potential in me…and loved me anyway. They believed in me BEFORE I BELIEVED IN MYSELF. I will miss her always…and it is him and his unspeakable loss for whom I grieve most today. They were married for 50 years.

My children’s hearts are broken into a million pieces right now — but all three know that they had the great fortune to have something that some people will NEVER KNOW. They know they were lucky enough to have had one of the most EPIC, AWESOME GRANDMOTHERS EVER…and that the buttery love (and DELICIOUS cooking!) she showered them with every day of her life will surely carry and uplift them until the ends of their very own.

Please rest in peace, Woman Who Mothered Me — and know that you will live on always through the love you gave my children every day of their lives…and that they, in turn, will pass that love onto their own babies. And on and on it will carry…like a shimmering, silver thread both back and forward into time. There is no greater legacy a person can leave the world than that:


Rest In Peace, BELOVED Grandmother…Bonnie Bolding.


About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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1 Response to requiescat in pace, bonnie

  1. Pingback: orange | muffy bolding

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