Vacuous Muff Fact #977:
I meticulously keep every receipt I receive from every department store, Ethiopian restaurant, dry cleaner, dress tailor, hot dog stand, yarn shop, and library check-out — not because I am some uber-bookkeeper (in fact, I am exactly the opposite), but because you never, ever know when you might need to produce an alibi with a time, date, and proof of your whereabouts. My darling husband, Gregory — who was raised as the child of academics in the rareified air of the privileged Upper-Middle Class — thinks I am completely insane for my reasoning…while I consider my actions to be perfectly logical. What I explain to him is that these seemingly excessive safeguards are most certainly the shadowy vestiges of a Working Class upbringing…in which you never know when you might have to cover your ass with the law, and you never know when you might have to pack your shit and jam in the middle of the night.
In my life, I have had to do both.
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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so, i love you.
Zuh feelink is MOOTCHUL, Miss Karen!
I always keep my hands in plain sight in every store I go into. Doubtful anyone is suspicious, but old habits die hard.