Let me tell you something, Mein Poppets. I would give up my precious, priceless poochie — Miss Pearlie Mae — just as soon as I’d give up one of my fucking children. In other words, THAT AIN’T HAPPENING. I would do whatever it took to maintain my family. WHATEVER IT TOOK. Believe me when I tell you that I would PROSTITUTE MYSELF WITHOUT EVEN GIVING IT A SECOND GODDAMNED THOUGHT, if that’s what I had to do. I’d suck a slumlord’s dick with a HUGE, BEAMING, IRIDESCENT, SELF-SATISFIED, DAVY JONES SPARKLY-EYED SMILE ON MY FACE if it meant we could all be together.
THINK I WOULDN’T?
Gosh, you know, now that I really and truly think about that statement, it actually means NOTHING AT ALL…since, trust me, I have FUCKED FOR FAAAAAAAAAAAR LESS than the very CONTINUED EXISTENCE of my beloved little family. Knitter PLEASE. I have shamelessly fucked in the back of a Chevy pick-up under the stars in exchange for “Ghostbusters”, pepperoni pizza, and Miller Beer at The Woodward Park Drive-In in Fresno, California.
THINK I DIDN’T?
And, I’d DO IT AGAIN, TOO.
For loyally choosing their beloved baby over their own comfort…these people are COMPLETELY ON TRACK.
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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