I gotta tell you, Mein Poppets…I am just about done with EVERYBODY being offended ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING, ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
DONE. FIN. ADIOS, MOTHERFUCKER.
I have a post on deck that I’ve been working on for a couple of weeks addressing not only this, but every other DICK MOVE issue on the motherloving planet…a little post which I affectionately refer to as, “THE ARMAGEDDON POST”, i.e., if/when I post it, HUMANKIND AS WE KNOW IT CEASES TO FUCKING EXIST.
Well, not really…but I guarantee you that a whole lot of the rotting, festering fruit that is hanging on the hanging tree that is my Facebook page will be VAPOR, baby — and that house will be CLEAN.
Can you tell that today all the GOTTDAMNED DOUCHE-LORDS of the world are JAMMIN’ MY FAT FREQUENCIES?
People just need to pull the uptight-Saturday-night tree trunk outta their ass, shut the fuck up with the CONSTANT HIGH DUDGEON, and just BELLY LAUGH LIKE A JACKAL. Quit taking every blithering thing so seriously and just let some shit slide, bitches.
In the words of the brilliant, inimitable Oddball:
“Why don’t you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don’t you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don’t you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?”
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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